falathrim

falathrim @ 2009-10-19T22:37:00

2009-10-20T03:41:44Z

I don't want to be human! I want to see gamma rays! I want to hear x-rays, and I- I want to- I want to smell dark matter! I want to reach out with something other than these prehensile paws, and feel the solar wind of a supernova flowing over me!

I'm a machine, and I can know much more.

FUCK

2009-10-10T03:38:47Z

Fuck the Yankees.

That is all.

Words!

2009-08-05T06:06:23Z

There's a certain point where further procrastination becomes completely infeasible. I call that point "Stacie got it done before I did." Disgraceful. Absolutely disgraceful.

Alright, so it's late. Even thought I'm not completely thrilled with the writing quality here, I need to get to bed and I know I'll just start over if I look at this tomorrow. So I'm posting.

Science. Wait, what, science? Oh boy... how do I go about describing science and what it means to me? Science isn't an interest, a profession, or anything of the sort, really. It's a lens through which you view the world, a filter that cuts away at the crap that surrounds us. It strives for the truth about reality in ways that dogma and intuition can only ever fail at. It's a method, not a subject; a method that I have a massive boner for.

I guess I could say that I've been interested in the sciences since I was in elementary school. It started with fascination towards the nine planets of the Solar System (and yes I agree that there are actually only eight. Fuck off, Pluto). I would read my uncle's old magazines that described the planets. I would look at my grandma's atlas that had a picture of the star system. I remember that atlas describing Andromeda as being several hundred thousand light years off image; stupid little me assumed that meant it was "like at the next star, right?"

Junior high came and I took biology. It was actually a fun class, despite everyone else hating the damned class. Then high school showed up and I took chemistry. It too, was a fun class, despite everyone else hating it. At that point, I kind of figured something out. I had discovered science. And I- I thought I was really, really good at it. So college came and went and now I have a damned nice job. In a hellhole, yes, but the job is great.

More importantly than what I've learned in class or the job I work is the way the scientific method has shaped my way of thinking. The method is about many things. It is about skepticism. Nothing is sacred, nothing is holy (and that is why I consider the word "Darwinism" a farce and can only laugh bitterly when creationists use it in "debate"). Skepticism is what allowed me to grow into the man I am now, because I certainly think I am the better man for refusing to believe everything I hear or everything I see. It's about logic, it's about empiricism. If these words had never entered into my mind, where would I be? I say this as nicely as I can -- I would be just another member of my family, content with mediocrity and willfull ignorance.

And that, to me, is what Hell will be like.

Eärendil. I have no idea where he came from. I guess I did RP him for a while on the Site That Shall Not Be Named... but I can handle this. I can come up with at least a paragraph...

Eärendil was blond.

Okay, sorry. I just don't have anything profound to talk about that also happens to at least tangentially Eärendil-related. But hey, if I come up with something I'll be sure to write about it!

Túrin. This is going to strike a lot of you (all two of you that read this!) as unbelievable, but honestly I don't have a lot to say about Túrin at the moment, either. That is not to say that he's been replaced as my favorite character in the drama of Arda -- heaven's no, not by a long shot! It is simply that... I have nothing new to say about him. He gave it his all, but it was not enough to escape the doom appointed to him. A Túrin Turambar turún ambartanen.

But he did have a frakking awesome sword.

Also, I really wish someone would draw him for me.

Manwë. Oh my gods.

It's fair enough to concede that when it comes to the drama of Arda, I tend to look at everything though a very pro-Atani perspective. I very much believe, however, that even if Manwë had treated the Atani like he did the Eldar, I would still despise him. To a lesser extent, perhaps, but what bothers me about Manwë, more than anything, is not what he did but what he represents.

But what did he do? Upon the awakening of the Eldar he loosed his winds to unveil the stars, but he left Men to awaken in the endless rains of that era. He brought the Eldar up out of Endor where Eru had placed them. He released Melkor into Valinor. He ignored the restlessness of the Men of Westernesse, and allowed them to come to ruin.

But worst of all is that he allowed Melkor to escape to Endor, and refused to give chase -- even as Melkor slaughtered the Sindar and the Edain, two peoples who had done no evils, and had only ever walked in defiance of the Morgoth. It was not until Eärendil delivered unto the Circle with a Silmaril that Manwë permitted the Vanyar and Ñoldor to go to war. I jokingly refer to this event as the Eärendil's Bribe, but if this were history and not mythology there would be nothing funny about it.

Tolkien once wrote than Manwë once so absolutely, completely pure that he could not comprehend the act of lying. In doing so, Melkor was unchained and allowed to walk free through Valinor. This, to me, is an abomination; a symbol of the abhorrent dangers posed by ignorance. The High King of Arda is said to have the greatest knowledge about what was seen in the Music (outside Varda), but while he has knowledge he lacks understanding.

He did not understand Eru's design for the Children, and so he had the Eldar brought up out of Endor into Valinor. And while the Eldar prospered in the Kingdom of Manwë, for a time, Arda as a whole suffered for it. He did not understand Melkor's capacity to lie, and so the Dark Lord was loosed in Valinor and from that act arose Elda raising sword against Elda. Kings were slain, trees withered, and the light of the world lessened.

He did not understand the fear in the hearts of Men, of the restlessness that is a fundamental aspect of their fëar, or their drive for something greater. From this came the grand armada of Ar-Pharazôn that would have brought ruin even to Valinor, and the end of the greatest and fairest country to have ever graced Ambar.

That Manwë was seen fit by Eru to lead the Circle of Doom is, to me, a sign that Eru is either woefully ignorant as to the nature of the reality that He created, or downright malicious towards it. Melkor caused pain and suffering through malice. Manwë caused pain and suffering through ignorance. Normally, I'd see the former as being worse than the latter, but then, Manwë had all the time in Creation to go out and read a book, maybe learn a thing or two. In a certain sense, I see Manwë and Melkor as being two sides of the same coin.

In the end, I hate Manwë not for what he did to Men, but for what he did to Arda.

Gaeta. The particularly astute amongst you may have noticed that I quoted Felix in this journal entry already. The insanely astute may have noticed that I switched Manwë and Gaeta in the list order that Mari gave me.

The Oath and Blood on the Scales were, in my opinion, two of the best episodes in one of the best television shows ever, if also the most painful. Even Revelations was easier to handle than Blood on the Scales was. Throughout the mutiny arc, I found myself unable to sit down and actually enjoy myself. I feared the climax -- literally feared. I was afraid for Felix like I have never been afraid for a fictional character before.

I'm usually the kind of person who discusses what has happened and how it will impact what will happen. A few of you who I was talking to regularly at the time of the mutiny arc will remember quite clearly what I thought of the Tom and Felix's rebellion, and what I wanted to happen to Roslin and Adama. But I don't talk enough about what these events mean to me. I'm not good at discussing emotion... but I think this time around I'll forego discussing chronology and talk feeling.

Felix has been my on-again off-again favorite character since season one. My favorite when he was playing a role in the story, and then temporarily pushed aside when he similarly took a backseat to other characters. But I bonded with Felix early because, for many reasons, he was the entity that most closely represented myself in the story. If I were a survivor aboard Galactica, I reasoned, I would most closely resemble Felix Gaeta.

Let's get the obvious one out of the way. Gay. Felix is gay, and although it wasn't confirmed until Face of the Enemy it's one of those things that you can pick up on as early as season one if you know what you're looking for. Felix's thrill at being able to work with the famous Dr. Baltar seems, at first, to be professional respect. But Felix's interactions with Gaius have always been had an underscore of adoration and, to a limited extent, lust, that I got a kick out of. But, more importantly than that, it gave me someone to identify with -- because whether I like it or not, it's so much more satisfying for me to watch the guy get the guy than it is to watch him get the girl.

Felix discovered science, and he thought he was really, really good at it. Until he met Gaius, of course. The timing of Blood on the Scales and that line was terrible for me. I had just started my internship down in San Antonio at Dr. Cole's lab; a lab where everyone else had years more experience than I had. I felt like a complete idiot those first few weeks. In fact, even now that I'm a full time employee in the lab I still feel stupid at times. Beyond that, my Program Director back at Stout had called me the night I accepted the internship offer and quite clearly told me not to fuck it up and ruin Stout's reputation. Dr. Cole is a relatively well known mycologist and UTSA a pretty decent school for research. What if I frakked up?

What if I wasn't as good at this stuff as I thought I was? Had I met my Dr. Baltar? I hope not.

Next thing we see is Felix in the airlock, facing his executioners. It's plain from his expression (and Tom's) that, despite everything, he was telling the truth when he spoke with Gaius. He is, truly, okay with how it's all worked out. Even if it wasn't enough, he gave it his all. He can rest now. It's stopped. His only fear is that, ultimately, nobody understood him. Nobody truly knew who Felix Gaeta was.

You can see in Gaius's eyes the guilt at knowing that he has caused Felix so much pain in the past four years. But Gaius knows who Felix is. Finally, even if too late, he understands him, and he will remember him. Because even if he was a minor player in the fight for survival, he is still worthy of remembrance.

Am I understood? Do people know Michael Bellecourt? Have I met my Dr. Baltar? I hope so.

Bear McCreary recently wrote in his blog that it wasn't Lt. Hoshi that deserved the promotion to admiral in Daybreak -- it was Felix.

A major theme throughout the series is that it is not enough to survive. You have to be worthy of survival. I see Daybreak as the logical conclusion to this theme, which is maybe one of the reasons that I actually liked the ending to Battlestar Galactica. Everyone may be happy on Earth II, but it doesn't change the fact that Colonial society did not survive. It was not worthy of survival. But it seems to me that many of the people who did deserve to survive did not. Their bodies were left to the stars, while the drunks and the despots and cheaters went on to Paradise.

Alright, that's all he wrote.

Thoughts on Sin

2009-07-31T23:41:21Z

*INSERT RANT ABOUT PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET NOT GETTING MITOCHONDRIAL EVE*

Stephanie: Essentially the science version of Adam and Eve? :p
Michael: KIND OF like science's Adam and Eve except really really metaphorical.
Stephanie: right
Stephanie: well
Michael: Plus that suggests science has dogma. :P
Stephanie: the "real" adam and eve was metaphorical too
Stephanie: :P
Michael: Tell that to [my friend].
Stephanie: I love how people think we are all uber decedents of incest.
Michael: Hah.
Stephanie: Bet THAT isn't in the bible :p
Michael: Nope.
Stephanie: Cause I wanna know how we got more humans without either Eve's kids fucking her, or fucking each other :p
Michael: Fucking her.
Michael: She had two kids (that were mentioned).
Michael: Cain and Abel.
Stephanie: yeah
Stephanie: No wonder we're all screwed up :p
Michael: Wait, no, it's mentioned that Cain had a wife.
Stephanie: right
Michael: So Adam and Eve had unmentioned kids.
Stephanie: but HOW
Michael: Girls aren't important enough to get names, after all.
Stephanie: ^^
Michael: Incest is best!
Stephanie: I wonder what an activist would tell me if I asked that
Michael: lol
Stephanie: Oh, laughter would ensue. While I ran away from crazy.
Michael: The answer the apologists come up with is that Adam and Eve had "purer" genomes (not that that means anything) and so incest wasn't a bad thing back then.
Michael: But then we sinned!
Stephanie: ...
Stephanie facepalms
Michael: And as we all know, sin is VERY similar to an ultraviolet ray, so our DNA was corrupted.
Michael: So LOGICALLY, that means light is evil, because UV rays are nothing more than more highly excited photons.
Stephanie: XD
Michael: One day, God will initiate the End Times, beginning with the Rapture.
Michael: But nobody will notice, because the only people who God has deemed to be clean enough of sin will be those who are clean of photons: the pasty white computer nerds in their mom's basement.
Stephanie: ...
Stephanie: XD

It's all in the Bible, folks. You'll have to trust me on this one.

Perception of Time in Valinor

2009-05-24T22:59:21Z

KNOWING THAT:

Time is perceived differently in Valinor than it is in Middle-earth, AKA the world as we know it.
This difference in time perception is such that exactly one hundred forty-four years here is perceived as one year there.
The mechanism in which time is perceived differently is known as time dilation.
Time dilation is a function of general relativity, and occurs with enormous changes in velocity relative to the constant speed of light in a vacuum, c.
Calculating time dilation is actually so easy an undergraduate could do it!

Assume that Elves are running at "proper time," or ⌂t. As we experience a time dilation factor of 144.0000, we set ⌂t to 1 and ⌂t' to 144. From there, it's a bunch of basic algebra as we solve for v, or the velocity of a stationary dweller of Middle-earth relative to that of a stationary Elf in Valinor. Input our data...

...and there we have it. We are experiencing a dilation factor of 298749698.5.

BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Assume that it takes the typical Adan three-fourths of a second to walk a meter; that is, he walks at a pace of 0.75 s/m. To obtain the velocity, simply take the reciprocal of that value: 1.333 m/s. Divide this number by our dilation factor to determine the actual velocity of an Elf, from our perspective, who believes himself to walking at the exact same pace.

Now, please excuse me if I cannot obtain a firm grasp on just how slow this Elf must be moving. Let's convert back to seconds per meter, and then crunch that number down into something more meaningful.

...seven years to walk one meter. My gods, Elves are full of phail.

EDIT: I suppose it would be fair to point out that 1 meter to an Elf would be 289,749 kilometers to us over here in Middle-earth due to Lorentz contraction. But, on the other hand, that's only because Lorentz contraction causes that Elf to expand in the direction in which he's travelling. Ergo, Elves in Valinor are 298749698 times fatter than they are in Middle-earth.

On the plus side, the only weigh 1/298749698th as much as they do over here.

Relativity is screwy.

EDIT 2: Fuck LJ Cuts.

Philosophers Need a Hobby

2009-05-14T19:05:01Z

Taking ethics training today. Came across this.

"The word ethics comes from the greek ETHIKA, meaning "custom" -- as in how we normally or should treat one another; the word morals comes from the latin MORES, meaning "custom" -- as in how we normally or should treat one another. For the past 2000 years, ethicists and philosophers have been trying to differentiate between the two and in fact many use them interchangeably."

What the Christ. It's the same fucking word!

Prosit!

2009-05-03T03:41:33Z

“From here, southward along the Hithæglir, onward to Calenarðon. It shall be in the shadows of Minas Anor that we shall unite with Gondor’s armies. Once organized, we must surely retake Ithilien from the Enemy.”

They had gathered in the Angle formed by Mitheithiel and the Bruinen, in that region where might be found Imladris and the Last Homely House of his herald. Tens of millions, Eldar and Atani together, united under common purpose: cast down the Deceiver who had laid waste to Eriador in centuries past. To defeat he who had so vilely corrupted and slain his kinsman Celebrimbor. The thoughts of Eregion tore at him; he felt a heavy weight upon his neck. He clutched the ring that hung from his mithril necklace, trying vainly to lessen the strain. A sense of foreboding coursed through his veins. He shuddered.

“I know that you Eldar are made of sterner stuff then we Númenóreans, my friend, but might I suggest we retire?” Tar-Elendil’s hearty voice rocked him from ill-begotten trance. “Arien’s first coming tomorrow morn begins our long march, and I would not have you exhausted!” He smiled, nodded, bid his truest friend good night. King Elendil’s advice was well-intended, and he wished very much he could take it. In that moment he wished for nothing more than to walk the Garden of Irmo, to find respite, and to dream of days long past. But as he clutched once more the sapphire ring about his chest he knew that there was yet unfinished business. Was it not enough to have answered the calls of the Ring of Fire? No. He passed into his pavilion, and into his tent.

“Summon my herald at once.”

~*~

Elrond Pereðil son of Eärendil Ardamírë entered into his pavilion and bowed, as was his custom. “I came with all haste I could muster.”

King Gil-galad smirked even as he poured out two glasses. “But of course you would, Elrond. I think- I think that it is impossible for you to displease me. Please, sit.”

And so his herald, quick to obey as he ever was, sat at the small oaken table set below the open skies, and accepted from him the newly-poured silver goblet. “Miruvor, my lord?” asked he, restraining the incredulous tones that he might have otherwise let free. Even amongst the lords of the Eldar, the free drinking of the healing cordials was a rarity, usually reserved only for when Gil-galad was entertaining his friend Elendil, or his sons. Gil-galad nodded, and held his own goblet to Menelmacar. Elrond followed suit; and together they toasted to the good health of Lindon and of Imladris.

“Prosit!”

Gil-galad did not make to speak for some time, and Elrond diligently observed the silence. They chose instead to together savor the taste of the miruvor; that godly nectar that Fëanor and Fingolfin had taken out of Valinor in days far beyond their births. In their silence, the moon drifted across the upper skies, the stars shone brilliantly, and not even the vast host that surrounded them could break that serene quiet.

“For an age now, Elrond,” said King Gil-galad at sudden, “you have served me as no other has. You have always borne my banner upon battlefields that I dared not cross. You have been highest my counsels in my times of need. You have delivered my kingly messages across Eriador and all the way to Gondor, when I saw fit.”

Elrond grinned knowingly. “My lord, is it not the greatest honour to serve one’s king as such? You have always been good to me. It is my debt to repay.”

“You have not lived, Elrond, but for me.”

To that, Elrond had no response. His emotions betrayed him; the smallest of frowns painted his visage. His confusion pained Gil-galad; the king clutched once more at the Ring of Sapphire, and once more dread passed over him as a wave.

“You must wed.”

“Sire-“

Gil-galad gently set down his goblet. “Elrond, I have made certain my pavilion is emptied save for you and I, so let us dispense with these formalities, and speak as we had in days long past. For now, I speak to you not as your king, but as kindred.” He eyed his herald, bemused by his perplexed expression. Gil-galad knew, of course, that Elrond had always seen him not as a king but as a father. After all, his true father had ascended and become the Star of Radiance, having left on his final voyage when he was but a babe. It had been Maglor whom in penance had chosen to raise his brother and him. But he was lost.

So his only family was Elros. Ah, Elros First-king, patriarch of Númenórë, sire of Elendil’s line. Gil-galad had met him but once, as the War of Wrath was coming to its conclusion. The stories were true, Gil-galad reckoned. The elder twin, even then, seemed fearless. He was always seeking out the unknown, spending every waking hour interviewing the Vanyar and the Teleri and the Maiar that had come up out of the West. Life was an adventure to Elros; but the greatest adventure was that unknown that lay beyond even Eä.

It was no wonder then that Elros embraced Death. Yet it came as a crippling blow to his brother. Elrond did not have that adventurous fire burning within his fëa. Truth be told, the unknown had terrified Elrond, and for that reason he rejected the wisdom of the Eldar and refused the Gift. If only he had foreseen his own pain at learning that Elros, his only kin, had passed beyond the Circles of the World!

He was an Elda full-grown by then, and a lord of the House of Fingolfin, and so of course he masked his despair behind a shield of stoicism. But Gil-galad had seen through his charade, and though he was barely one yén older than Eärendil’s youngest, he took him in as his own family.

“I have no qualms with speaking as such,” replied Elrond at long last, having sipped for some time upon the miruvor. “I must ask why you would have me wed? After all, you are without spouse and without heir. Who shall be King, should some tragedy befall you?”

The King chuckled softly. “You are, of course, my closest male relative, distant though we may be; so I suppose you to be my Heir Apparent. Or shall we adapt the customs of Elendil’s folk, and name Galadriel our next Ruling Queen?”

And for the first time in several minutes, Elrond let out a hearty laugh. “Oh, how she would love that! I can see it now: Galadriel, High Queen of not the Eldar of Lindon or even Eriador, but of all Endor! We would love her even as we feared her!” exclaimed he, and with that both king and herald had many a laugh at her expense. Yes, Gil-galad loved and respected Galadriel, reckoning her as wise and just. Yet he reasoned that under the duresses of Mordor's threat, laughter was a blessed medicine, even at her expense.

Furthermore, Gil-galad had missed these moments with Elrond dearly. With him only could he speak so freely. For that reason, though he had requested Elrond’s presence for matters of utmost importance, he allowed this converse to sidetrack. For many hours the two drank from the bottle of miruvor, making jest of politics, of friends, of distant kin that yet walked the shores of Endor.

If jest is made of kin, however, then certainly the subject of the father must surely arise, and as the twilit hours approached Elrond glanced up into the morning sky. “Elendil’s folk have a curious mythology; they believe the second planet to be my father.” Sarcastically, he held up his goblet to the planet that had come to be known as Eärendil. “Prosit, father. Prosit.”

Gil-galad regretted instantly allowing the conversation to have strayed so far from what he had intended. “They-“ he began, unsure for the first time all night of what to say. “They do not believe that to be a literal truth. The Atani have a curious imagination, yes, but they are capable of holding it in check.”

His herald merely grunted in response; an overt gesture, considering the articulate nature of the Eldar and the Ñoldor in particular. Gil-galad sighed, realizing he needed to alter his frame of attack considerably. With great hesitation, he continued: “It saddens me to say this, but my father was not the most capable of leaders.”

And now Elrond listened to his king intently, for never before had Gil-galad spoken to him of Orodreth. “He was usurped firstly by Curufin, then by Turambar. He had as little respect in life as he does now in death. But, at the very least, he had the wisdom to know that Nargothrond would not endure under his rule, or perhaps anyone’s rule, and had sent me to safety. When I was barely more than a babe, as you well know, my father sent me to Eglarest to dwell with Círdan.”

“I suppose I should be thankful for this. I am, to a point; but I had barely learned my words when I was taken from Nargothrond upon horse and led away from the only home I had known. Oh how I cried! I missed Father deeply, and yet I hated him. I hated him for forcing me from his life, for separating me from my mother. And Finduilas! Even to this day I miss dearest Finduilas, who cared for me whilst I was but a babe in a cradle.”

“But just as Father did not send me to safety out of malice, neither did Eärendil ‘abandon’ you. I have come to forgive Father for his actions; and sometimes I feel as if I alone in Endor have done so.” With this, Gil-galad chuckled sadly. Even Elrond smiled ever-so-faintly. “I think you too must forgive your father. As High King of Beleriand, meaningless though the title was, I had the honour of meeting him on several occasions, Elrond. And yes, I called it an honour, so do not glare at me like that.

“Oh, he fawned over you. He once told to me that his greatest regret was that during your birth, he was walking the Falas; that had he known Elwing were pregnant he would have denied the calling of the sea and remained by her side. And if Elendil’s myth somehow has the truth of it, and your father dwells yet upon that distant rock, then I have no doubt that he set himself there so that he might watch from the distant heights over his dearest son!” And knowing full-well that it could only infuriate Elrond, Gil-galad held his chalice to the rock the Númenóreans had named Eärendil. “Gil-estel! Prosit!”

Elrond did not join in the toast, silent for a time in reflection. But, eventually: “You have given me a lot to think about, Ereinion Gil-galad. Do not flatter yourself into believing that it is enough to change my mind about that man.” Still seeming ired, he tapped the rim of his goblet. “Still. You mentioned his sea-calling, and that reminds me of something peculiar.”

“Oh?” asked Gil-galad. He wondered; had Elrond felt the calling of the Sea, as had he? Perhaps it was also his time to cross the Belegær, to come to the Blessed Realm and to walk with his ancestors in its lush green gardens. But if that were so, who would bear-

“Peculiar indeed that my father proved Círdan’s best apprentice, while you, the Teler, would sooner sink a boat than sail it!” And with that, he drank once more of the miruvor and laughed his hearty laugh. Gil-galad blushed, for Elrond spoke truly. But he was quick to join in Elrond’s laughter, being pleased that his irritation had been so short-lived.

Soon, the laughter settled, and Gil-galad forced upon himself a straight yet still soft expression. “Elrond, you make a mockery of your king, and let it be said that he enjoyed every moment of it. But now, I must force myself to speak seriously. For Elrond, I had the truth of it when I stated that you have not lived but for me, and for that I suppose I am responsible. I have given you no opportunity to rest, no opportunity to embrace love. I have been a fool! Even after I have seen your glances at Celebrían!”

It is rare to see an Elda blush, especially a Ñoldo, but for the second time that night Elrond could not restrain himself. “I did not think that-“

Gil-galad smirked. “You did not think that I knew. I am a keeper of secrets, Elrond,” said he, as he reached yet again to relieve the strain about his neck. “I am a keeper of many, many secrets. I have seen you longing for the daughter of Galadriel. But did you know that she has also longed for you? I have seen the way that fair maiden adores your valour and wisdom, much as I have seen you cherish her beauty, her intelligence, her sweet laughter. You must be wed.”

Elrond then, for the first time in their long history together, became truly angry with Gil-galad. “Why are you telling me this now? On the eve of our march to Gondor, you tell me that I must wed this maiden? You, who have remained unwed and without child for an entire age?”

Once more Gil-galad became aware of the Ring of Air, weighing heavily upon him. The king frowned. “Endor does not belong to the Golden House of Finarfin. Our place is in the West, where we shall ever sit at the feet of Manwë.”

His herald did not perfectly comprehend his words, but the sorrowful air with which he spoke brought at least understanding. Elrond reached for his and Gil-galad’s goblet, and filled them once more to the brim with miruvor. They drank.

“I have known this truth all along, Elrond. Endor is not mine. It was not meant for my family. I fashion myself a king, but in truth I am merely his steward. It is not through the House of Finarfin that hope shall be renewed in the eastern lands, but through the House of Fingolfin. I know this. Galadriel knows this.”

Elrond sipped from his goblet. “From the House of Fingolfin I find my heritage” said he cautiously, “but I do not think that I can be the one responsible for such a renewal, if that is what you outrageously claim.” He carefully observed Gil-galad’s stoic reaction. “But that does not seem to be the case either.”

“No, not you,” replied the king, his necklace digging into his flesh. He grasped the ring and did not let go. “Regardless, you stand now at the center of all things. The love that Eärendil had for Elwing brought together the two houses of the Pereðhil, and the time when you become a central character in the drama that is Arda must soon come. It was not for nothing that fate had Maglor spare you, even when your own parents thought you dead.

“But I find myself being pushed to the sides of this drama. In that I find relief. My importance in the affairs of Endor is approaching its end.”

“Is that prophecy?” Elrond quipped.

“Instinct.”

Once more, there was silence. In the distance, beyond the Hithæglir, Arien began her journey across Endor. The stars of Elbereth dimmed, the sky greyed as twilight emerged. And Elrond revealed his wisdom.

“I will not name myself king.”

“Oh?”

The Heir Apparent, having relinquished all rights to the crown, shook his head, a sad smile upon his face. “Endor’s true king has come out of the West from the ruin of Númenórë. We Eldar try to deny this truth, but Endor does not belong to us. In defiance of this fact, Celebrimbor crafted the Three, and though you and I and even Galadriel counseled him against it, in truth we all three of us hoped him to succeed. For had he, Endor would be ours again; but Sauron has thwarted us. We are not fated to remain upon these shores. The Elder Days are ending. The Dominion of Men must come, and the day when we Eldar accept this simple truth must come!”

Gil-galad nodded; for this was why Elrond was his herald, and why he had had him seated upon the White Council. “But that time is not yet come. The years of my stewardship must surely soon end; and if Endor’s king is not yet arisen, then surely the care of this land must return to the House of Fingolfin.”

The Ring of Sapphire sang in glorious anticipation. It scratched at Gil-galad’s hroa, it spat upon his fëa. And no longer could Gil-galad deny its deepest desires.

“Elrond! Stand before me now, not as the herald of the House of Finarfin, but as the Lord of the House of Fingolfin and my equal!”

So for the first Elrond stood before his king and his kin as one of equal stature. Gil-galad reached to his back, he undid the mithril clasp. Relief! Relief indescribable! “Behold! Vilya!” exclaimed the king. The silver ring with sapphire stone shone in starlight, glistening as it clutched its mithril chain. If only for a moment it was as if the silmarils themselves had been delivered out of earth, sky, and sea.

Vilya called out to him. He dared not to claim it; it belonged to his king, the only family he still had. But it compelled him. No words were traded even as Vilya himself exchanged hands, exchanged necks. Elrond grasped Vilya as tightly if he were his own breath and blood. It warmed him; he felt whole. He lifted the chain, draped it about his shoulders. And when he clasped it shut, he felt reborn.

Yet even as he entered into life renewed, he knew that his king had died. Renaissance brought new pains; though he was now bathed in light, about Gil-galad was painted shadow. But in searing defiance of this tragedy, Arien then burst through the peaks of the Hithæglir in the east, and her golden light scorched the land, illuminating all and piercing all darkness.

“Hear me, Eru Ilúvatar!” cried out Gil-galad in that moment. “With hope we made Vilya, yet we were outwitted. But Vilya shall ever be a symbol of healing. For that reason I entrust it to Your dearest child, Elrond son of Eärendil, whom You had brought out of the Wrack of Gondolin! Might he and Vilya, together, bring renewal to the eastern lands, in defiance of those that would mar Your mighty works!”

And those two mighty lords of the Eldar honoured Ilúvatar with a moment of silence, as was the custom.

After a time, Lord Elrond spoke at long last. “I had known that Vilya and Narya had come to you during the war against Sauron,” began he. “That you bore them on your person at all times -- that I did not know. Truly, you are a keeper of secrets. But what has become of the Ring of Fire?”

His king smiled. “In due time, you will seek the counsels of Lady Galadriel and Lord Círdan. They will ever be there, to help the House of Fingolfin fulfill its destiny in Endor. But as for myself; the House of Finarfin no longer has its place in the east. The years of my stewardship are coming to their end.” He thought as though he may weep, knowing full well that he had but one more task to accomplish before he too could walk the gardens of Eressëa.

His thoughts soon returned to Endor, which he loved above all else. “I pray that the One Ring be soon destroyed and that Vilya and Narya and Nenya pass with it, and that hope returns to Endor,” said the king as he took his seat once more. He clutched at his silver goblet and filled it once more to its brim with miruvor. It was strangely light, as if he had newly found the strength of an entire army. “But I am not Manwë. I have not beheld the Vision brought on about the Music. I know not whether we can throw down this second Dark Lord. But I have always had estel that all things must be made right, and for that reason I have guarded these lands that are so dear to me.

“Elrond, amongst the Eldar, Endor belongs to the House of Fingolfin. In days long past my grandsire forsook the march and with it his line’s right to rule. So now, I return to you the stewardship; it has always been yours by right.

“I now know only that I have estel in the coming of one who can renew all things. This one must come. I have estel that he will, but it may not be easy! The House of Fingolfin must do everything in its power to ensure that this happen. He must come. Trust in Vilya to bring you aid if you believe the need is pressing. Take counsel with Galadriel and Círdan; for he must come. Stop at nothing to ensure this will happen! Will you do this for me, and for all peoples?”

Even as Elrond filled his chalice once more, emptying the healing cordial’s bottle, he looked into the eyes of his king, saying: “Absolutely.” And with that one word were all Gil-galad’s fears assuaged.

They lifted their glasses to Arien above, and to the stars beyond her. They lifted their glasses to the millions of Eldar and Atani encamped about them. They lifted their glasses to Valinor and Beleriand, Númenórë and Arnor and Gondor, Lindon and Imladris. They lifted their glasses to those who walked amongst them, and to those who rested even now in the shadows of Taniquetil.

“Prosit!”

They lifted their glasses to their lips, and they drank.

Elrond departed from the pavilion of the king, Vilya about his neck. Celebrían slumbered even now within Imladris; he would see her before his departure, and promise his return.

Gil-galad felt light. Free.

~*~

It was a time of summer when Aragorn returned to Imladris, and asked Elrond for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Elrond, Lord of Imladris was troubled, having foreseen that this Adan might come between him and his daughter, from whose parting would be unbearable. But through such a union might not the House of Finarfin even yet bring aid and comfort to the House of Fingolfin as it fulfilled its destiny? Would not such a marriage ensure the survival of the Finarfin’s line in Endor?

“She will not be the bride of any Adan less than the King of Gondor and Arnor.”

Perhaps, if Elda and Adan were to come together once more, hope would be born anew in Endor. Gil-galad had found a glimpse of this truth so long ago, but he had not been entirely correct. No one can foresee it all, not even Manwë upon Taniquetil.

Vilya's light blazed. He was content.

"For for this were you brought out of the Wrack of Gondolin."

2009-04-23T00:38:42Z

Let's be honest here; we know next to nothing about Eärendil. The chapter within The Silmarillion was mostly based upon the text of the first Quenta Silmarillion, found in HoMe V. This dates to around the 1930s; a good twenty or so years earlier than the material that Christoper used to write just about the rest of the published Silmarillion. The first Quenta Silmarillion was barely more than a scheme or an outline, and because of this we know jack about the life of, arguably, the most important of all Incarnates.

The following is an outline that incorporates details from HoMe II: The Book of Lost Tales, Part Two. The texts within this volume are, undisputably, those that go into the most details regarding Eärendil -- and yet, incredibly, they're still only outlines! So why did put it together?

Because, even if its validity is highly debatable, I still wanted to know more about the life of one of my favorite characters in the drama of Arda. This scheme is tantamount to fan fiction. It has a loosely legitmate basis, but I think you'll see why I doubt it was Tolkien's final vision on the matter after you've given it a read. That said, it is probably the best shot at understanding Eärendil's life that we have available to us.

This is, by the way, the first time I've posted this online. Enjoy.

~*~*~

Before the Voyages

503: Ardamírë Eärendil is born in Gondolin; Elwing is born in Doriath.
505: Maedron demands the Silmaril from Díor, but he sends no response
507, Yule: Second Kinslaying and the Ruin of Doriath. Maedron, Maglor, Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin, and Amrod attack the Kingdom of Doriath, resulting in the deaths of (amongst many others) King Díor Eluchíl, Queen Nimloth, Celegorm, Curufin, and Caranthir. The twin princes, Eluréd and Elurín, are captured and abandoned in Region by Celegorm’s folk, where they eventually die. Elwing flees to the Havens of Sirion with the Nauglamír.
510: The Fall of Gondolin.
511: The Exiles of Gondolin come to the Havens at the Mouths of Sirion, where Círdan eventually takes Eärendil on as his apprentice.
525: Eärendil and Elwing are wed. Tuor, Idril, and Voronwë depart over the Sea on Eärámë. Idril gives to Eärendil the Elessar that Celebrimbor had made for her.

The First Voyage

Eärendil sails north, and is wrecked by Ossë, who is following Manwë's command of letting no Ñoldo come near Valinor. He is rescued by Ulmo and is brought to Cirith Ninniach. Ulmo entreats Eärendil to seek Eldamar telling him: “For for this were you brought out of the Wrack of Gondolin.” Eärendil begins his return home to the Mouths of Sirion by foot.
532: Birth of Elros and Elrond while Eärendil is hiking home.
Eärendil returns to the Havens; he and Círdan build the boat Wingelótë.
At around this time, the Eagles of Gondolin return to Valinor, bringing news of the fall. Ulmo entreats the Valar to war, but they are unmoved

The Second Voyage

534: Eärendil begins his second voyage, and last on Ambar, upon Wingelótë with Falathar, Airandir, and Erellont; the North Wind arises, blowing him off course and to the south. He encounters volcanoes, Ents, Pygmies, the Sarqindi or Cannibal-ogres, and Ungoliant. He does battle with Ungoliant, and successfully slay her.
Eärendil and his crew begin to sail eastward.
Eärendil is driven at sudden to return immediately home
538: Third Kinslaying. Maedron, Maglor, and Amrod descend upon the Mouths of Sirion. Elros and Elrond are captured by Maglor’s folk. Elwing, recalling the fates of Eluréd and Elurín, despairs and casts herself into the Sea with the Nauglamír, not knowing that although Maglor abandoned Elros and Elrond, Maedron repented of this action and personally rescued them. At about the same time, Michael wrote one doozy of a run-on sentence. Amrod also dies at this time.
Ulmo bears Elwing up as a seabird, and she carries the Nauglamír to Eärendil.
Not knowing their sons are still alive, Eärendil and Elwing lose their love for Endor. Therefore, they and their crew ( Falathar, Airandir, and Erellont) turn westward and attempt to come at last to Valinor.
Eventually, Maedron and Maglor abandon Amon Ereb and join King Gil-galad at the Isle of Balar

The Appeal Before the Circle of Doom

Through the divine light of the Silmaril, Eärendil passes the Enchanted Isles and the Magic Isles. He comes to the Tower of Pearl, where Tuor and Idril sleep, but its gates do not open. He passes Tol Eressëa but tarries not.
542: And in this year, Eärendil comes at long last to Valinor.
Eärendil and Elwing disembark; Eärendil comes to Tirion and finds it abandoned. But Eonwë cries out to Eärendil and summons him to Council
Before the Circle of Doom and the Valar there seated, Eärendil makes his appeal before the Valar upon the Circle of Doom in Sindarin, Quenya, Bëorian, and Hadorian. He speaks not the tongue of the Haladin, whose people have since perished.
Simultaneously, Elwing comes to Alqualondë and befriends the Teleri, of whom she is related through her great-grandfather Elu Thingol.
The Valar deliberate upon Eärendil's plea; they summon Elwing and him to the Circle to pronounce their Doom. At Elwing's behest, the two choose the life of the Eldar, though Eärendil would have been more inclined to accept the Gift.
Falathar, Airandir, and Erellont are bid to return to Endor in a new boat. Wingalótë is hallowed; Eärendil rises into the firmament and is seen as a sign of hope amongst the peoples of Middle-earth
Elwing’s tower in Araman is built; and she fashions for herself wings so that she might once more fly amongst the seabirds.

The War of Wrath

The Host of the Valar is led by Eonwë, squire of Manwë. The Host is comprised of Maiar, Vanyar, Valinorean Ñoldor and the survivors of the Edain. Tulkas is thought to have participated, as it was in his nature, but otherwise the Valar remain in Valinor for the entirety of the war. The Teleri, recalling the Kinslaying at Alqualondë, would not at first participate, but are convinced to ferry the soliders to Endor, if nothing else. The Endorian Ñoldor and Sindar do not participate.
545: The Host of the Valar comes to Endor.
Battle of Nan-Tathren (Valley of Willows) occurs. After the battle ends, the Host of the Valar made their encampment about the Nan-Tathren.
Battle of the Pools of Twilight: Tulkas’s host, including Salmar and Valwë, sought to release the Ñoldor that had been captured by Morgoth throughout the War of the Jewels. They are personally met by Morgoth at the Pools of Twilight. Tulkas is victorious in open combat, but is waylaid by Easterlings out of Hithlum, allowing for Morgoth to escape back to Angband.
Slowly, over the course of fouty years, the Host of the Valar push their way towards the Anfauglith; the Balrogs are destroyed or scattered. During this time, Beleriand is rent asunder by the sheer scale of the battles, but it isnot destroyed.
587: Morgoth looses the winged dragons, which pushes back the Host of the Valar. But Eärendil and Thorondor’s host appears; Eärendil drives Ancalagon into Thangorodrim, and Túrin (returned from the dead to avenge the House of Hador) slays him. And so once more, Morgoth is captured and chained with Angainor. The silmarils are wrested from the Iron Crown, which is bent about Morgoth so as to bind him even tighter.

The Pardon

Eonwë summons forth all Elves in the western lands and declares their pardon on behalf of the Valar. Galadriel, alone of all Elves, rejects this pardon, though others choose to delay their eventual return to Valinor.
Maedron and Maglor sneak into the encampment of the Host of the Valar and seize the Silmarils wrested from the Iron Crown. But the Silmarils reject their unclean hands and become a torment to them. Maedron, in agony, casts himself into a gaping volcanic chasm, while Maglor casts his Silmaril into the Belegaer and begins to wander the shores until his fading. He never returns to Valinor.
590: The Elves return to Tol Eressëa while Eärendil guides the surviving Fathers of Men come to Númenórë, the Land of Gift. His son, Elros, becomes its first king and he takes up the name Tar-Minyatur. Elrond, meanwhile, becomes the squire to King Gil-galad.
And then, somehow, Eärendil ends up on Venus! Sucks to be him, that planet’s a shithole.

It's funny because you KNOW that's how it all would've went down...

2009-04-22T08:07:31Z

Michael: You DARE claim that Emperor Fëanor would be more awesome than Emperor Palpatine?!
rhaella : yes
Michael: You're fucked up.
rhaella:
Michael: If Palpatine and Fëanor switched places...
rhaella: the empire would have self destructed much sooner XD

Michael:

MOFF TARKIN: My Lord, the Rebel Alliance have stolen the Death Star plans.
EMPEROR FËANÁRO: GRARGH! I do swear an oath in the name of Eru! NOW LET'S GO PURGE EVERY PLANET THAT DOESN'T ONE HUNDRED PERCENT AGREE WITH ME FROM EXISTENCE!
DARTH VADER: Yay foolish oaths! I'm in!

MAEDRON: Father, Melkor has stolen your Silmarils.
PALPATINE: Morgoth I name him, Dark Foe of the World. Now let us sit, and conjure a plan that might win back our Silmarils. Mayhap it shall take several decades, but when it comes to Morgoth, how can brute force possibly achieve anything?
MANWË: Oh goddammit Michael stop glorifying the guy.
MICHAEL: Shut the fuck up Manwë.

rhaella: XDDDDD
rhaella: that needs to be saved somewhere
Michael: IN THE END:

The Galactic Empire implodes on itself when everyone gets pissed that the aesthetically-pleasing Death Star eliminates 75% of all life-sustaining planets and the vast majority of the rest.

Palpatine wins back his Silmarils by spending fifty years orchestrating a war between the Valar and Morgoth. Afterwards, he cons the entire Circle of Doom into electing him as Vice-regent of Arda, to insure a safer and secure society, thus allowing him to rule over Eä for all eternity. That is, until he got cocky and he started frying Morgoth's son and was thrust into a nearby reactor shaft.

rhaella: XD
Michael: *is now imagining Aman as having randomly placed reactor shafts all over the place*
rhaella: I wouldn't put it past Aule

A look back in history: inventor of the first fusion reaction

2009-04-22T08:01:51Z

OVirginSaint: I like [Varda] for one thing
OVirginSaint: inadvertently kicking down the "keep out" ward to the west that the Valar put up.
Michael: XP
Michael: Yay inadvertent actions!
OVirginSaint: it was a dumb thing to put up in the first place
Michael: I don't like the Valar.
Michael: At least I used to like Varda... she had such soft, silky, beautiful blue hair...
Michael: And... uhhh... she made stars.
OVirginSaint: she made shinies >.>
OVirginSaint: *stuffs Feanor back into the closet*
Michael: It takes a lot more power to make stars then it does to make a little wind, Eruspammit!
Michael: I'd like to see MANWË kick-start a multi-billion year fusion process!
OVirginSaint: XD
Falathrim: MICHAEL: Killing the magic of Tolkien, one science factoid at a time.
OVirginSaint: hmm Varda with a labcoat and glasses...
OVirginSaint: hawt <3
Michael: XD
Michael:OMG I think I like Varda again.
OVirginSaint: Manwe: Whatcha doing wife? I'm boooooored. Varda: Oh, you know. Star making. Takes a long time.
OVirginSaint: XD
OVirginSaint: Manwe: Starmaking? that's BORING. Varda: Can you do it? Manwe: ..erm...no. Varda: Shut up and go play with your birds then.
Michael: XD

And this, mind you, is why I'm still okay with Varda, despite her being a complete fucking bitch.

I know a guy who knows a guy...

2009-04-22T07:55:40Z

I don't even KNOW what's going on here...

Michael: See, I only know about Fëanoriel because I have an aunt who has a friend who has a brother who has a wife who has a friend who knows Chris, so she gets to read the Secret Tolkien Papers.
Michael: All sorts of stuff that the Tolkien Estate won't release in them, like how Legolas had a crush on Durin's Bane.
isasolan : wtfffffffff
isasolan: i want to read the secret papers!

~*~*~

isasolan: who was oropher anyway?
isasolan: thranduil's dad?
Alison: Yes.
isasolan:: lol so maybe thranduil is orodreth's son
isasolan: that would explain the hair
Michael: Lol
Michael: Maybe he's Finarfin's sixth son that Tolkien forgot about!
isasolan: nuuuu
isasolan: not this one, michael
Michael: And he's not Sindarin, OBVIOUSLY. That's just a lie to throw the ninja-Dwarves off.
isasolan: plus we said we cant give him anymore children
isasolan: any more
Michael: Noooo. YOU said that. XP
isasolan: but it's true!
isasolan: he cant have as many children as feanor!
isasolan: it's uncanon...
isasolan: ((Rofl))
Michael: Fëanor had EIGHT children. But one was a girl so they donated her to Morgoth.
isasolan: !
Michael: Her name was... uhhh... Fëanoriel.
Michael:...yeah. Of course.

*snip*

isasolan: why didnt tolkien tell us about feanoriel?
Michael: He thought that if people knew that Fëanor donated a child to the Lord of Darkness, that poor Fëanor, undeserving though he may be, would NEVER have any fans, and no one deserves that!
isasolan: oh wow
isasolan: yeah he's right
isasolan: but i dont want thranduil for finarfin
Michael: See, I only know about Fëanoriel because I have an aunt who has a friend who has a brother who has a wife who has a friend who knows Chris, so she gets to read the Secret Tolkien Papers.
Michael: All sorts of stuff that the Tolkien Estate won't release in them, like how Legolas had a crush on Durin's Bane.
isasolan: wtfffffffff
isasolan: i want to read the secret papers!
isasolan: do they have finarfin in it!?
Michael: Oh yes.
isasolan: T__T!
Michael: An entire chronicle of the War of Wrath, where Finarfin reveals himself as the BESTEST WARRIOR EVER and single-handedly wins the Battle of the Land of Willows.
isasolan: oh, damn it, i was hoping he didnt go after all
Michael: There's also a very detailed piece on how Glorfindel became a distinguished master of pottery after he died.
isasolan: is there anything about celebrimbor?
Michael: Finarfin is a king. He can either be the good sort of king Gandalf talks about to Denethor, or the horrible type who hides when war appears. Like Denethor.
Michael: A little.
isasolan: or INGWE
isasolan: who sent his son to war instead :/
Alison: I can see Glorfindel doing pottery :nod:
Michael: When Galadriel finally came back to Aman, Celebrimbor started stalking her. So she beat him up and told him that they could be friends when he got over something that never had a chance in Udûn of working out in the first place. ^_^
isasolan: lol
Michael: After Celebrimbor and Galadriel made up and Celeborn showed up, Galadriel attempted a coup d'etat.
Michael: Unfortunately, an end had come to the Eldar of story and of song. Shame Galadriel forgot about that
Michael: So she failed.
isasolan:
isasolan: wait a second
isasolan: a coup d'etat against her father?!!?
isasolan: wtf? XD
Michael: No, against the Valar!
isasolan: ohh ok
Michael: After hearing about his exploits at the Land of Willows, Galadriel couldn't even contemplate about thinking about considering possibly raising even her pinkie against him.
isasolan: lo
isasolan: michael you devil x
isasolan: xD
Michael: Fortunately for Galadriel, the Valar had grown rather lethargic, so her punishment was... washing the dishes for a week.
isasolan: you're making me have sexy thoughts of finarfin with a SWORD xD
isasolan: that's just WRONG
Michael: XD
isasolan: DAMN YOU
Michael: I do seriously think Finarfin would make a good warrior, with a little practice.
Michael: Anyway.
Michael: Is there anyone else in the Secret Tolkien Papers you want to hear about?
isasolan: its hard for me to think of him that way
isasolan: hmm
isasolan: did angrod and edhellos have a daughter like i saw in my dream
Michael: They had seven. Again, this is canon, in that it falls short of Feanor's eight children.
isasolan: seven plus orodreth
isasolan: that's 8
Michael: Ah, right. I meant SIX daughters.
Michael: My bad.
Michael: Anywho.
isasolan: oh ok
Michael: Orodreth was oldest.
Michael: After him, they became rather uncreative.
Michael: So they just named them Edhellos II, Edhellos III, Edhellos IV, etc.
isasolan: ahahah
Michael: Alison, anyone you want so very badly to hear about?
Michael: I take your silence as a YES MICHAEL TELL ME ABOUT GIL-GALAD!
Michael: Well, very well then.
isasolan: ahahah
Michael: Gil-galad's mithril fetish I write about in LA is in fact canon, you see.
isasolan: *squee* XD
Alison: Really?
Michael: He thinks mithril is as sexy as hair. Odd, what with mithril being not alive, but true
Michael: He can't get off without his partner wearing a metric fuckton of mithril jewelry.
Alison: XD
isasolan: too much information D:
Michael: That's why his private chamber has a lot of mithril necklaces, lockets, earrings, normal rings, circlets...
isasolan: and thats a really sex detail for tolkien to write about. is there anything more about sex? xD
isasolan: *really big
Michael: Well, he kind of HAD to write about it. After all, he IS called the Star of Radiance...
Michael: Let's see... other sex details.
isasolan: oh and while you're at it, dont forget to tell me what happened to elladan and elrohir
Michael: Well, there's something I could mention about Túrin, but Tolkien found that detail so squemish that he promptly had a heart attack and died. Last thing he ever wrote, see.
Michael: Elladan and Elrohir...
isasolan: wow
Michael: Well, Elladan wanted to stay with Aragorn, and Elrohir wanted to return to Aman. But they didn't want to be separated.
Michael: So they had a civil debate.
Michael: Which elevated into an argument.
Michael: Which elevated into a fist-fight.
Michael: Which elevated into a knife-fight.
Michael: Which resulted in Elrohir being stabbed through the heart.
isasolan: ahahha
isasolan:
Michael: So Elrohir found himself in Aman, and Elladan promptly followed Denethor, falling down Minas Tirith.
Michael: So I guess Elladan got his way
Michael: Wait, no, Elrohir stabbed Elladan.
isasolan: elrohir you mean
Michael: Other way around.
Michael: Then ELROHIR leapt from Minas Tirith in shame, and ELROHIR got his way,
isasolan: lol
Michael: ^_^
Michael: Anything else?
Alison: Was Glorfindel married? XD
Michael: >.>
Michael: <.<
Michael: I'm SURE you don't want to hear this, but...
Michael: ...there's a reason Glorfindel took up pottery, you see.
Michael: His wife was the greatest Dwarven master at pottery Arda has ever known.
Michael: Only marriage between the Eldar and Naugrim ever recorded, that was.
isasolan: .........
isasolan: oh god michael that was just cruel xD
isasolan: what about legolas/gimli, hmmm?
Michael: They were just friends with benefits.
isasolan: ohh ok
isasolan: i think alison died
Alison: I did.
Michael: Shame.
isasolan :i dont blame you
isasolan: (F) for you
Michael: ALSO.
Alison: Thanks! *sniffles and holds flower* (F)
Michael: Glorfindel and Disa had one child.
isasolan: oh god
Michael: They named her Glorfirith Peredhel, because TECHNICALLY she was Half-elven, even if she was NOTHING at all like Elrond and his kin.
isasolan: lol
isasolan: thats very racist
Alison: oh dear lord...
Michael: Also, thanks to her Elvish blood, she could get away with shaving only once a week.
isasolan: she was also half dwarven
Michael: Yes, but Pernaugrim looks ugly.
Alison: Michael!
Alison: *smacks you*
Michael: ^_^
Michael: I'm sorry, but I can't stop laughing. XP
isasolan: ahaha
Alison: Bastard. XD
isasolan: yeah you;re mean
Michael: I know. XP
Michael: If Fëanor were real, I'd probably get along with him marvelously.
isasolan: me too :S
Alison: No kidding...
Michael: SPEAKING OF FËANOR!
Michael: After the Dagor Dagorath, Fëanor did finally give Yavanna the retrieved Silmarils.
Michael: Or so she thought.
Michael: Actually, he gave her some fakes
isasolan: lol i thought the game was over but yay xD
Michael: They were actually lightbulbs exported from Middle-earth.
isasolan: !
Michael: So while Yavanna was undergoing the ceremony to rekindle the Two Trees, Fëanor was running like a bat out of hell to Middle-earth.
Michael: So, ass that he was, he got the last laugh.
isasolan: what the hell did he do with the silmarils though?
Michael: Oh, he had them.
isasolan: stare at them and laugh maniatically?
Michael: You see, they WERE recovered.
Michael: But Manwë insisted that they do the entire rekindling of the Trees with ceremony.
Michael: So while their backs were turned, Maedron slipped Fëanor the light bulbs, and Fëanor handed him the Silmarils. Maedron then hid until Fëanor gave the sign to silently wander off.
Michael: And then they reached Middle-earth.
Michael: And yes, Fëanor did a lot of staring and laughing manically.
Michael: Maedron got bored of this, so he got a job as a plumber.
isasolan: did he get his hand back?
Michael: He wasn't very good, what with him having only one hand to work with.
Michael: ...no. Maedron vanished one day.
isasolan: michael
isasolan: rhaella is not here
isasolan: we dont care about maedhros
Michael: Rumor suggests that a customer got pissed that he couldn't do the job as well as a two-handed plumber could, and promptly beat him over the head with a watermelon.
Michael: I do! I need to hurt him somehow! XP
isasolan: Roflmao!!!!!!
Michael: But he was never seen again and everyone was happy.
Michael: EVERYONE.
Michael: So, anything else I can talk about?
isasolan: tuor
Michael: Ah, yes.
Michael: Tuor DID in fact reach Aman with Idril.
isasolan: and turin, because i know you really want to
Michael: Of course, because of the Ban, they couldn't actually accomplish this until after the Pardon.
Michael:...I think that all that I need to say is that, in Aman, he is known as the Living Fossil.
Michael: Incidentally, Idril managed to convince Manwë that SOMETIMES divorce without death is COMPLETELY justified.
Michael: So Tuor's existence is mostly a miserable one. Odd, that.
isasolan: whaat
Michael: Idril's argument: GOOD GOD YOU CAN SEE HIS BONES. I NEED SEX! GOOD SEX! HELP ME!
isasolan: i always knew divorce was possible. im glad tolkien agrees.
isasolan: lmao! stop making me laugh like this
Michael: Manwë was completely against accepting this argument.
Michael: Fortunately for Idril, Varda had taken pity on her.
Michael: So she took the form of a zombie for five straight years.
isasolan: i bet she knew what bad sex was like
Michael: Finally, Manwë gave in.
isasolan: are you sure manwe didnt terribly like it?
isasolan: someone should save this convo, it's brilliant XD
Michael:...well, Tolkien didn't go into too many details, but he DID hint that Varda's nether regions stank worse than rotten fish.
isasolan: ................
Alison: *pictures Tolkien rolling OUT of his grave and wandering across the bottom of the ocean and then into Michael's room, unsuccessfully trying to strangle him with zombie fingers*
Michael: Just for those five years of course.
isasolan: holy shit and here i was feeling bad for varda
isasolan: lmao, alison
Michael: Normally it smelt like flowers and perfume. ^_^
Michael: But she wanted to prove a point to Manwë.
Michael: *grabs flamethrower and toasts zombie-Tolkien*
Michael: Túrin... well, you asked, so...
isasolan: i think tolkien is surprised you're the one making him roll in his grave and not me, Rhaella or OVirginSaint.
Michael: XD
Michael: But... yes... Túrin...
Michael: . . .
Michael: Well...
Michael: Hmm.
Alison: Or even me... :weat:
Michael: I suppose it's unfair to keep knowledge from you, so... yes...
Michael: Let's just say that the best sex, ever, was between Túrin and Níniel. They were so damned experimentive...
isasolan: ((is there something like a male golden/yellow underwear on gaia?))
Michael: I don't think so.
Alison: I don't think so isasolan.
isasolan: ((damn))
isasolan: and ew!
Alison: *shudders*
Michael: Yes. Did I not say that Tolkien died because he finally committed that thought to paper?
Michael: I suppose I should be delighted that it was my favorite character that Tolkien wrote of last, but... still...
Michael: Ew.
Alison: I'm still pissed off about that Glorfindel business.
isasolan: did tolkien have sisters, by the way?
isasolan: no, right? just a brother?
Michael:...I think he just had a brother, Hilary.
Alison: XD
Michael: Also, Túrin, Finduilas, and Gwindor were renowned in Nargothrond for their fearsome threesomes.
isasolan: i knew it
Michael: Gwindor usually got pissed when Finduilas and Túrin would start focusing on each other and ignore him.
isasolan: could you really blame them, though?
isasolan: he was pretty ugly by then
Michael: Poor guy.
Alison: Well... I have to head off to bed now... before this gets any worse...
isasolan: wise decision!

The High Elves of the West

2009-04-22T07:01:35Z

Gildor, the confusing-as-fuck Elf that Frodo meets as he carries the One Ring out of the Shire, claims to be a member of the House of Finrod. ovirginsaint and I took it upon ourselves to figure out how this could be possible... with glorious results.

Michael: Gildor confuses me. :/
OVirginSaint: happy happy gildor?
Michael: Gildor Inglorion of the House of Finrod who speaks in riddles and if all Elves are like him I don't think I'd really like hanging around Elves.
OVirginSaint: wait
OVirginSaint: how is he of house Finrod?
Michael: That's part of what confuses me! (bah)
OVirginSaint: he's been smoking the weed
Michael:Basically, it was written when Finarfin was Finrod and Finrod was... something else...
Michael: And Tolkien just forgot to change it.
Michael: But now him being of the House of Finrod is forever etched in one of the only texts that can be labeled as Arda-canon and making sense of it makes my head asplode.
OVirginSaint: weed.
OVirginSaint: he was not in his right mind when he said it.

Michael:Maybe Finrod had a son named Inglor who had a son named Gildor.
Michael: And then my brain asplode.
Michael: Because that didn't happen.
OVirginSaint: or maybe he had a barrell of Thranduil's wine and made it all up
Michael: XD
Michael: I like your ideas better.
OVirginSaint: xD
OVirginSaint: Drunk on Thranduil's wine after
OVirginSaint: smoking some weed.
Michael: Yep. That is now accepted into my Tolkien canon. XD
OVirginSaint: XD
Michael: It explains him being so creepy when he and Frodo meet up.
OVirginSaint: LOL!!!

Alison: *chokes on a pencil*
OVirginSaint: *looking for idiot Gildor*
Alison: I was reading fanfiction and talking to Michelle.
Michael: He's probably off in some corner, smoking.
Michael: ...weed.
OVirginSaint: yes
Michael: You SO need to draw that. >.>
OVirginSaint: 'cause apparently there's nothing in this book that ties him at all to Finrod, save that he speaks Quenya
PVirginSaint: XD
Michael: I don't even remember reading about him AT ALL. And I've read just about all of HoMe. :/
OVirginSaint: Gildor is a weed smoking hippy.
Michael: The name Inglorion suggests that he is SUPPOSED to be the son of Inglor, who WAS Finrod before the name change.
Michael: Now... he's just high all the time making nonsensical comments.
Michael: WAY TO GO TOLKIEN!
OVirginSaint: XD
OVirginSaint: Bad professor!

OVirginSaint, I still say you are one sexy artist. Also, if you don't want your art on my journal, lemme know and I'll take it down. I'd ask in person if you had internets. ;)

Despite commonly held views, Elves are fucking sluts

2009-04-22T06:52:23Z

As always, the best quips are courtesy of isasolan :

isasolan: making up a name is hard T__T
Michael:
Michael: I know.
isasolan: lmao
isasolan: i was going to put silver woman..
isasolan: tyelpenis
isasolan: tyelPENIS
Michael: XD
isasolan: *giggles immaturely*
Michael: She'd get along marvelously with her brother-in-law, Teleporno...
Michael: *giggles immaturely*
isasolan: !!!
Michael: *goes to throw into journal*

The Silmarillion is long, so let me do your homework for you!

2009-04-22T06:38:07Z

Okay, there's nothing I like more than helping people write book reports or form presentations or whatever without reading the book. After all, reading is boring, I agree completely. So, this in mind, I've summarized the major plot points of The Silmarillion for you, and provided some discussion points at the end.

~*~*~

Everything started when Nana Erúo created God. They got along marvelously for awhile, but then they got into a fight and became estranged. This of course is prehistory. The actual Quenta Silmarillion begins with the Music of the Angels. You see, after the great feud, God created the angels, and the angels helped to create the world. Two of the angels, Melkor and Morgoth, were mightiest in strength. They led their brethren down to the world, so that they may live as kings.

Melkor was the Father of Elves. He created them with care, and when it finally came time for them to accept the breathe of life, were guided to the Far North, where the kingdom of heaven could be found. The Elves then accepted the tutelage of the angels, and this is why they are so powerful throughout history. Always have the Elves revered the north, for that is where Melkor dwelt.

Yet Morgoth, who was in fact Melkor's brother, grew envious of the Elves, and so he created his own children, Men. But because Men were created out of envy and malice, they have been forever marred, and are inclined to accept the shadow. The wisest of Elves thus say that Orks are in fact Men, despite what Peajé, a disciple of Morgoth, may claim.

Anywho, there you have the bare essentials of the plot's background. I can now proceed with the actual story. You see, In the Kingdom of Heaven, the mightiest of Elven smiths, Durin, began working to create the most beautiful jewels ever. After several thousand years of toiling, he was successful in creating the Silmarils, nine great jewels that shone with the power of the sun. Durin displayed these jewels proudly and for all to see, for it was his claim that they belonged to the world, not to him. Yet it came into the hearts of the Nine Kings of Men, the Fëanorions, to steal these jewels for themselves. Fëanor, Maedron, Maglor, Curufin, Caranthir, Celegorn, Amrod, Amras, and Celebrimbor were their names, and they swore a blasphemous oath in the name of God that the Silmarils would come into their hands, and they would slay however stood in their path.

The Great War of the Jewels began when the Fëanorians marched upon the Kingdom of Heaven, their grand armies following behind. At this time, the Elves were still a peaceful race, and were yet to devise any sort of weapons. Frightened, they begged Melkor save them. Yet though Melkor was an angel, he was only one angel, and he could not stop entire armies. As the Fëanorians laid siege to the Tower of Alqualondë where Durin dwelt, Melkor at least succumbed. Desperate to preserve his kingdom, he seized the Silmarili from Durin and surrendered them to Morgoth. Thus, the armies of the Fëanorions retreated; but not before the people of Alqualondë were grievously harmed, and many were slain. This was known as the First War of Elves and Men. Some Men, however, were appalled at the actions of the Fëanorions, and they begged the Elves to forgive them. These few Men became known as the Edain, the Elf-friends, and their descendants would later found the Kingdom of Númenórë in the Uttermost West.

Melkor may have saved the Kingdom of Heaven from ruin, but not all the Elves could accept that the Silmarili had fallen into the hands of Morgoth. Angered at Melkor's surrender, Prince Fingolfin and Prince Finarfin began to chase after Morgoth. The Herald of Melkor, Manwë, appeared to the fleeing Elves, and told them that if they continued their pursuit they would be forever banished from the Kingdom of Heaven. Furthemore, claimed Manwë, death was the only path they would take. Finarfin's resolve wavered at that point, but Fingolfin then made a glorious speech upon Mount Tirion, urging the Elves to continue. "We are the Ñoldor!" cried he, and thus the resolve of the Elves was strengthened, for Ñoldor is Grey Elven for "Proudly Exiled." And so the Elves dared the Suicidal Ice, that they might cross the seas that separated Heaven from Valinor, the realm of Morgoth and Men.

. . .

That should be enough of a summary to get you through your homework. Before I head off, though, think it's worth mentioning that the Fëanorions, defeated in the Third War of the Elves and Men, turn to Sauron for aid. Thus were they reborn as the nine Nazgûl, as seen in the popular Lord of the Rings movie trilogy. Wow! Turns out The Silmarillion was written as a prequel to The Lord of the Rings! Awesome!

Discussion Points

1. In Middle-earth, nothing seems to be all-powerful; everyone can be beaten. Examples: Melkor is lesser in power than Morgoth, but Morgoth was pacified by the Lúthien's skit about monarchies. God, in most mythologies, is an omnipotent being, but in Middle-earth even he has a mother. Perhaps this trend has something to do with Tolkien's strong adherence to the Buddhist code of ethics? Discuss.

Just admit it. You're an eldaphile. There IS no other reason.

2009-04-22T05:57:29Z

Túrin Turambar, my favorite character in the drama of Arda, gets just about zero love for anyone else it seems. There are reasons for this, of course; he was kind of an asshole, and everything he touched turned to fail. However, that's never the justification I hear -- and often times people LOVE the characters that have incredibly similar personalities and backgrounds. Watch, in fact, as rhaella struggles to cope with becoming aware of this. ;)

~*~*~

Michael: ...well, doesn't matter what he looks like, [Maedron]'s still an ass. ^_^
rhaella: hah.
rhaella: but a doomed, angsty ass. so I'm happy.
Michael: Túrin was a doomed, angsty ass, but you never squee over him.
rhaella: hmm. that is true.
rhaella: and it can't be the red hair. I didn't know that until later.
rhaella: hah
rhaella: maybe it's the amount of time the doom of the Feanorions was drawn out.
rhaella: I don't know if that makes it better or worse.
Michael:Túrin's was his entire life. Maedron had a comfortable childhood, at least.
rhaella: (he's an elf. I admit it)
Michael: ((I know. ))
rhaella:: ((hey, at least I can *pretend* not to be shallow))
rhaella: still... I think the comfortable childhood adds to my love of Maedhros. it makes what comes after that much worse.
rhaella: for me.
Michael:

Will u give me if I glue on Beleg's ears?

rhaella: LOL
rhaella: I think perhaps... the Feanorion doom was so much more *pointless*.
Michael: *screencaps*

God's an asshole

2009-04-22T05:29:10Z

So, ages and ages ago, Kate and rhaella had a wicked awesome convo about the nature and relationship between Eru Ilúvatar, Manwë Súlimo, and Melkor the Morgoth. I know jackshit about this convo, on account of rhaella's Gaia journal now being set to private.Pity, pity. I CAN say, however, that at some point I followed the conversation to its logical conclusion, and from said conclusion arose the following "ficlets."

ERU: There was Eru, the One, who in Arda was called Ilúvatar, and he made first the Ainur, the Holy Ones, that were the offspring of his thought; and they were with him before ought else was made.
AINUR: Hi!
ERU: Great. Now sing!
AINUR: *does so*
ERU: Kay. Manwë, you're leader.
OTHERS: But he's dumb!
MANWË: Duurrrr....
ERU: I know. Now get down there and govern that which you have created.
VALAR: *does so*
ERU-MELKOR: I am driving you from Middle-earth! Everyone in the bus!
ULMO: Can I take my car?
ERU-MELKOR: Sure.
NÁMO: Wait a sec. I don't remember anyone named Melkor taking part in the Music.
ERU-MELKOR: I was there. Yep. In the back... waaay in the back...
MANWË: Duurrrrr...

- And thus the Valar were driven from Middle-earth -

~*~

MAEDRON: Morgoth is far too evil. Brothers, I propose a great Union to oppose Him!
FINGON: A good idea.
GLORFIRITH: Can I come?
MABLUNG: Sure.
ORODRETH: Ungrateful granddaughters running away from my perfectly protected fortress.
CURUFIN: That you have no control over...
ORODRETH: Silence!
TURGON: I am here!
ELDAR: Yay.
GLORFINDEL: Hi I'm Glorfindel.
GLORFIRITH: Hi I'm Glorfirith!
GLORFINDEL: Nice to meet you.
GLORFIRITH: Same.
GLORFINDEL: . . .
GLORFINDEL: . . .
GLORFIRIRITH: Wanna have sex?
GLORFINDEL: In the middle of a battle?
GLORFIRITH: Don't see why not.
GLORFINDEL: Kay.
NIRNAETH: *wages whilst Glort and Glory run off to a conveniently nearby closet*
ERU-MORGOTH: Hey, hey guys! Hey guys, guess what!
MAEDRON: What, Morgoth?
ERU-MORGOTH: I'm laughing!
FINGON: ...your point?
ERU-MORGOTH: Well, you can't spell slaughter without laughter!
DRAGONS, BALROGS, ORKS, EASTERLINGS: *slaughters*
FINGON: *is slain*
NOLDOR: *is slain*
EDAIN: *is slain*
ERU-MORGOTH: MWEHEHEHEHEH!

ULMO: Hey, fellow Valar? Maybe we should do something about the slaughter.
MANWË: Father said not to.
NÁMO: ...everyone is dying.
MANWË: Father said not to.
VARDA: Honey, I'm beginning to have doubts that Father is as omnibenevolent as everyone supposes.
MANWË: Father said not to.
YAVANNA: Is anything we're saying getting through to this guy?
MANWË: Father said not to!
IRMO: Yo, Manwe, what's two plus two?
MANWË: Durrrrrr...

MAEDRON, TURGON: Oh carp run away!
MABLUNG: Eru help us!
ERU-MORGOTH: Heh...
ÑOLDOR: *hastefully rush past closet*
TURGON: *knocks frantically on the closet's two doors*
GLORFINDEL: Oh Eru, yes!
TURGON: Glorfindel, stop being a promiscuous little bastard and run away!
GLORFINDEL: Just a moment!
TURGON: We don't have all day...
GLORFIRITH: Oh, Glorfindel, I love you!
TURGON: Ugh...
GLORFIRITH and GLORFINDEL: Oh yes!
TURGON: Note to self - slice ears off upon returning home.
GLORFIRITH and GLORFINDEL: *emerge from closet half-naked*
TURGON: Can we go now?
GLORFINDEL: Can my wife come with?
GLORFIRITH: Wife?
GLORFINDEL: Well, we did do the dirty...
TURGON: For a week straight!
GLORFIRITH: Fine! But no kids. Ever.
GLORFINDEL: Fine with me. I hate the bastards.
TURGON: Dammit guys, we need to run away!
GLORFINDEL: Oh, right.
TURGON: ...and how do you expect to never have kids if you're constantly fucking?
GLORFIRITH: Meh, we'll worry about that later.
NOLDOR: *comes to Gondolin*
GONDOLOTHRIM: Ah. Now to enjoy our peaceful lives, ignoring everything that just happened.
GLORFIRITH: I can deal with this.
HUOR: Hey, dudes, I died getting you to Gondolin.
HÚRIN: And I doomed my cute adorable children to real fucked up lives getting you to Gondolin.
GONDOLOTHRIM: Meh, shut up, we're enjoying ourselves.

ERU-MORGOTH: Thousands of years have been building up to this moment; the year in which I destroy everything I created. I couldn't be more delighted!
SAURON: Father, you are so completely fucked up in the head.
ERU-MORGOTH: Hey, I made them, it's my right to destroy them. Call it adding something interesting to something that would otherwise be so completely dull.
SAURON: ...I am so glad I'm on your side.

~*~*~

CARCHAROTH: Raaaaar!
LÚTHIEN: O woe-begotten spirit, fall now into dark oblivion, and forget for a while the dreadful doom of life.
CARCHAROTH: I am felled!
LÚTHIEN: Let us go, my love!
BEREN: I wish I were useful.
LÚTHIEN: You are.
BEREN: I am?
LÚTHIEN: Yeah, you're great in bed. Why do you think I'm going through all this trouble?
BEREN: Uhhh... love?
LÚTHIEN HA!
ERU-MORGOTH: I see you!
LÚTHIEN: Yeah?
ERU-MORGOTH: Wow. You're beautiful. I think you'd be a suitable Arien-replacement.
LÚTHIEN: I am sure I would. But... before we do that... may I perform for you?
ERU-MORGOTH: Don't see how it could hurt...
LÚTHIEN: Kay. Beren, get over here, I need your help.

NARRATOR: And lo! on that day did Lúthien contrive a political skit regarding monarchies so amazing, that not even the words of Pengoloð, nor the hymns of Maglor could rival it. Know thee that through these long ages of Elves and Men, many a lore-master have attempted to transcribe that miracle that Lúthien contrived, yet none yet have succeeded.

LÚTHIEN: And that, as they say, is that.
ERU-MORGOTH: Oh. Oh, wow...
LÚTHIEN: Hmmm?
ERU-MORGOTH: Lúthien, you've convinced me to completely rethink my opinions of monarchies! Not many can do that. Wow...
LÚTHIEN: I am honored, my liege.
ERU-MORGOTH: As you should be.
LÚTHIEN: Why thank you, my liege.
ERU-MORGOTH: You know what? Here. Takes this silmaril. You've deserved it.
LÚTHIEN: A most blessed gift, my liege!
BEREN: The script says my knife is supposed to break and graze your cheek... as well as a lot more that seems to have not happened.
ERU-MORGOTH: Why go through all the trouble?
LÚTHIEN: You have a better plan, my liege?
ERU-MORGOTH: But of course.
LÚTHIEN: You are without peer, my liege!
ERU-MORGOTH: *grabs knife and tears a huge chunk of his cheek apart*
BEREN: I am so fucking lost.
LUTHIEN: If you don't mind, my liege, we absolutely must be going.
ERU-MORGOTH: The pain is unbearable, but I grant you leave, fair one!
LUTHIEN: Farewell, mi'lord!

BEREN: What just happened?
LÚTHIEN: Flattery will get you anywhere. Ah, the exit. Let us go, Beren.
BEREN: ...yeah.
CARCHAROTH: I don't like being felled!
BEREN: AAAAIIEEEEE!
CARCHAROTH: *mauls Beren*
BEREN: *is mauled*
LÚTHIEN: Well, fuck. And things were going so well...

Tolkien never really wrote the Tale of Eärendil, so I did it for him

2009-04-22T05:15:33Z

VOYAGE OF EÄRENDIL in a nutshell.

*the Exiles of Gondolin and Doriath come to the Havens*

EÄRENDIL: You're cute.
ELWING: So are you. Even if we're both still kids and shouldn't be starting romances yet.
EÄRENDIL: This is a nutshell. Michael is condensing things.
ELWING: Ah, I see.

*Eärendil and Elwing are wed*

TUOR AND IDRIL: We are so ditching you two.
EÄRENDIL: I miss my daddy.
ELWING: Boo hoo.
EÄRENDIL: I'm going to ditch you and our kids now, because I wanna find my daddy.
ELROND AND ELROS: Wait, grandpa ditches you, and so you in return ditch us? Unfair.
ELWING: At least I have my shiny.

*Maedron and Maglor and Amros kill things*

ELROND AND ELROS: We were so kidnapped.
MAGLOR: Yeah, well at least my people didn't ditch you like Maedron's people ditched those other twins.
ELROND AND ELROS: True.
MAGLOR: Wait a sec, aren't you like ten years old? You shouldn't be so smart sounding.
ELROND AND ELROS: Nutshell!
MAGLOR: Ah, right.

*Elwing has jumped into the Sea*

ULMO: Sweet merciful Eru you are a dumbass. The Shiny is needed!
ELWING: It is? Opps. My bad.
ULMO: No shit.

*Ulmo turns Elwing into a seagull*

EÄRENDIL: Hi Elwing! How are the kids doing?
ELWING: Kidnapped.
EÄRENDIL: Well, damn. Wanna give up on them and go to Aman?
ELWING: Sure, don't see why not.

*Eärendil and Elwing and those other three people sail to Aman*

GIL-GALAD: I am here to save the day!
FEW LONE SURVIVORS: Too late, dumbass.
GIL-GALAD: Oh...
FEW LONE SURVIVORS: This place sucks. Take us with you.
GIL-GALAD: You mean I get to lord over you? This is the happiest day of my life!

*Manwë looks at the Sea*

MANWË: Ooh... Shiny...
VARDA: Indeed.
MANWË: Shut up, bitch.
VARDA: On one hand, that was mean. On the other hand, it was true.
MANWE: Let Eärendil into Aman!

*Eärendil cries because everything is empty*

EONWË: Behold Eärendil, brightest of stars!
EÄRENDIL: OMG YOU SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!
EONWË: I laugh.

*Eärendil is guided to the Circle of Doom*

EÄRENDIL: *says stuff in Quenya*
EÄRENDIL: *says stuff in Sindarin*
EÄRENDIL: *says stuff in Hadorian*
EÄRENDIL: *says stuff in Bëorian*
MANWË: Wow. You are one hell of a linguist.
ULMO: It is Fate that brought him here.
MANWË: No, it was the Shiny. I accept your bribe. Muster the Host of the Valar! And in Host of the Valar, I mean Host of the Everyone of Aman but the Valar!
ULMO: Ugh...
NÁMO: You realize that, because he is part Ñoldorin, I need to kill him?
EÄRENDIL: Ass.

*Elwing decides she wants the life of the Eldar*

EÄRENDIL: Damn.

*The Host of the Everyone of Aman but the Valar march to war*

EÄRENDIL AND/OR TÚRIN: *slays Ancalagon*
MANWË: YAY! We win! And in we, I mean they, but I'm gonna take all the credit!
ULMO: For the love of...
NÁMO: *executes Morgoth*
MANWË: Eärendil, as reward for your services, I give you this reward!
EÄRENDIL: OMG I love rewards!
MANWË: You get to sail around in the Void, making sure Melkor doesn't return to Aman! Isn't that amazing!
EÄRENDIL: . . .
MANWË: ???
EÄRENDIL: ...so, I get to sail around in nothing, all alone, guarding the Black Foe of the World?
MANWË: Yep.
EÄRENDIL: God I hate you.
ELWING: ...and I get to stay here. Dammit, Manwë, we chose to both be Elves so we could be together.
MANWË: Well, he's allowed to return to you sometimes...
ELWING: Ass.

*Eärendil guides the Edain to Númenórë, then leaves the world*

EÄRENDIL: So dark out here...
EÄRENDIL: This story sucks.
EÄRENDIL: I hate nutshells.

Don't ask Manwë for help on philosophy homework

2009-04-22T05:09:29Z

A quick convo, courtesy of isasolan and Kate.

Kate: The secret of Pac-man is far too profound for our simple mortal minds
isasolan: yeah... you must be right
isasolan: we should ask manwe
Kate: haha
Michael: If a secret is too profound for our simple mortal minds, I'm sure that Manwë thinks it has something to do with doggy poo.
Kate: XD
Kate: Manwe's great like that
isasolan: manwe will just say he needs to talk to eru
isasolan: then he will make a fool out of himself
Michael: And then instead of doing so, he will compose his Grand Theory of Doggy Poo.
Michael: He will then declare it as the Word of Eru.
isasolan: yes!
Michael: Coincidentally, the number of atheists shall rise exponentially that night.
Kate: XD

Slime approaches!

2009-04-22T05:03:55Z

So before Dragon Quest VIII was released, I joined a community called Slime Knights. The community gave away prizes in exchange for Mini Medals that you could earn by participating in various activities. I never did earn enough of the medals to actually win anything, but I did write a rather nice little piece. I guess. If it sounds corny, well, it was meant to be.

~*~*~

The person whom I had proofread this thought it was amusing, so I figured I could post it in my journal for the potential amusement of all.

EDIT: This entry was in fact deemed an "excellent submission" and I was given a 100 MM bonus.

+10 Self-esteem!

In the distant past, I joined an RP. Not just any RP, mind you, but a Dragon Warrior I RP; and I did so without ever having played a single Dragon Warrior game. Lost, befuddled, and down-right confused, I decided to simply buy the game (for it had been recently been remixed for the Game Boy Color. Most convenient for me!) so that I could figure out where my simple little soldier should go.

Now it should be reiterated that my first Dragon Warrior experience involved the remix released five years ago. Thus, my memories would naturally tell of the descendant of Loto and his quest to save Lady Lora and the LightOrb from DracoLord. Perhaps these names are not as pleasing to the older fans as Erdrick questing to rescue Gwaelin and the Ball of Light from Dragon Lord; but it is my memory, and to it I remain faithful.

After struggling with the four-character name limit for at least fifteen minutes, the noble and great, if not also horrifyingly weak hero, Dior, found himself standing within the grand throne room of Tantegel. He listened intently as King Lars told of the plight of Alefgard, and was intrigued by the story of Loto, his own ancestor; brief though it had been. Angered with the news of Lady Lora's kidnapping, the ill-equipped hero determined himself to rescue the fair maiden, and retrieve his great-great-great-great grandpappy's treasure, the LightOrb.

However, when Lars presented to the hero equipment to aid him in his quest, he was anticipating more than a torch, a scant amount of gold, and a key. Did Tantegel not engage in the crucial practice of barbaric taxation? Dior swore to himself (silently, for offending the king was a great crime) as he pocketed the random stick he really could have found lying on the ground anywhere. Worse yet, Dior had to actually use his key to escape Lars's throne room. Why the soldiers thought locking their king inside his castle was a good idea, he knew not.

The door unlocked, Dior left the magnificent castle, anxious to begin his quest.

It should be apparent that I am Dior; Dior is me. That was the magic of Dragon Warrior: it felt as if it were you who was questing to save the kingdom, not an angsty protagonist who talks far too often about his sufferings and the cruelness of the world around him, only trying to save the world because the great villain wronged him. No; the Hero of Dragon Warrior wants to save the world because YOU want to save the world. As simple as the story was, it was one that you could completely enmesh yourself in.

Tantegel Town was perhaps five steps away from the towers of Tantegel Castle. I quickly rushed to the quaint, peaceful village, so that I may spend my hard-earned tax money, provided by the poor-as-a-peasant king. Unfortunately, even with the kingdom's treasury beside me, I could barely afford a club. With a groan, I left town, and began to wreck havoc upon those adorable monsters with my trusty club.

In an era of real time battles and five minute long summoning scenes, many may have found the simple, straight-forward battles of Dragon Warrior to be nothing but a bore. "Battle!" the game tells you. "Attack!" you tell the game! "Victory!" you are informed. "Yea, gold!" you scream! And then you repeat this until you have the thousands needed to afford that lovely Broad Sword.

There was something about the game, however, that made it so that spending an hour fighting randomly appearing beasts and birds was not a chore. In all honestly, it isn't the best adventure in gaming ever, but the sense of achievement I felt when I first managed to buy that Iron Axe and Shield combo from Garinham made every second thrashing Drakees and RedSlimes worth it.

Finally equipped with gear worthy of an ancestor of Loto, I found myself in the small, wooded village of Kol. The town, as peaceful as it was, didn't seem to have anything of interest. That is, of course, until I aimlessly walked into a cute 8-bit girl offering me a powder-puff massage. Suddenly, the lights went out, puffing occurred, and the younger me was left very, very confused.

In Rimuldar, I happened across a shop that sold keys. No... not just any key, but magic keys! What was so magic about them, I wondered? They broke after use! Magical for the man who sells them, perhaps...

Using my newfound ability to open big doors, I discovered that the Lady Lora was being hidden not in the DracoLord's castle, but in a cave that a very important highway ran through. Ignoring the lack of common sense exhibited by the Lord of the Dragons, I defeated the ferocious beast that held the beautiful princess hostage. Impressed by my display of strength, the princess jumped into my arms, professing her undying love for me in the process. I had earned her Luv; the LoraLuv, to be precise.

Having foiled the DracoLord's cunning plan to lock the princess in a random cave, I decided at last to make the difficult journey to the desert town of Domdora. I looked upon the once prospering town with horror: It had been torn asunder. Despite not knowing a single citizen of the deceased hamlet, not having witnessed any of the destruction, and not at all being set back by the catastrophe, I couldn't help but feel a bit sad. Death is one's final end, even if you are only a townsperson who wanders in circles saying, "Welcome to Domdora!"

After destroying Mercado's only defense against the monsters that ravaged its walls, I learned that an important item had been thrown in a swamp. Using LoraLuv, I wandered through the muck and slime, and retrieved the Loto Seal. It was a great triumph. The item had long eluded me, but now I was capable of proving my high lineage to the peoples of the world; because picking up litter in a swamp is indeed proof of heroism.

Soon enough, it came time for me to confront the great fiend, DracoLord. Rather than building a normal bridge, or perhaps a boat, it was decided that it was far my flashy to simply mix together various artifacts to create a rainbow. A smile upon my face, I walked across this rainbow of hope, both anticipating and dreading the fight ahead.

The descent into the bowels of Charlock Castle was both a frightening one, and a confusing one. After much trial and error, however, I was finally successful in retrieving the Loto[sword symbol]. It complimented my Loto[armor symbol] well. Wearing the equipment of my highly-esteemed ancestor, I felt as if I were strong enough to confront God himself. That would come later, however, only after the seventh game in the series was released.

DracoLord stood before me. His cruel face and angry eyes betrayed his offer of alliance. I rejected his every plea; I would not dare betray Alefgard, and Lady Lora, after I had gone through so much for their sakes. Angered, he lashed out. The battle, though hardly epic by the year 2000's standards, was still one remembered. I would assail the demon with my ancestor's sword, and he would strike back with his infernal breath.

When he saw that I clearly had the upper hand, he shed his disguise, and revealed himself as the true Lord of the Dragons. The battle intensified; several times I came within an inch of death. But my ability to HealMore was an ever growing nuisance to the DracoLord. He could not throw me down. He attacked; but I would strike back with such determination that he was soon beat down.

Victory came. I forced the LightOrb from his hands even as his body succumbed to dust. Glee struck me. Triumphant, I returned to Tantegel; but only after I had drenched myself in the showers of praise that the peoples of Rimuldar, Mercado, Kol, and Garinham were more than willing to give. Even the swamps wanted to offer to me their thanks, for they had grown flowers more beautiful than any others in Alefgard. Everyone was thanking me; and I was grinning the entire walk back to Tantegel.

The game concluded in the great hall of Tantegel. Lars offered me everything; but I knew that I would be content with something else. Lora and I were wed, and we ran off so that we could found new kingdoms in the lands beyond. I smiled; Alefgard had been rescued, and it was all my doing. I could only hope that Loto's descendants would forever be blessed.

Still smiling, I moved onto Dragon Warrior II, without even doing so much as turning the Game Boy off for a minute. Joining the RP had proved to be a most fortunate decision. I had been introduced ten years late to Dragon Warrior, but even so I had quite clearly fallen for the series. In time I would play Dragon Warrior II, III, IV, and VII. Out of love for the series, I played DQV and DQVI as well.

My love for my little avatar of heroism remains even to this day. If I miss one thing from the first game of this golden series, it is that it becomes increasingly harder to feel as if I am the hero. It still seems as if I am the one questing; but nonetheless that feeling is diminished.

That will not stop me from loving every moment I spend playing Dragon Quest, of course. I am, after all, a Slime Knight, one who is so eagerly awaiting the release of Dragon Quest VIII. November cannot possibly come soon enough.

"Ah, Dior! Welcome back. I'm sure you will defeat DracoLord and restore peace and harmony. The world awaits that cheerful day. You have become strong enough. You will surely defeat DracoLord. Let us meet again, brave Dior!"

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

2009-04-22T04:55:12Z

I think this one speaks for itself. Oh, and for my insanity. Itself and my insanity.

~*~*~

Ah, yes, a journal entry about dreams. How very original.

The dream started with me watching my sister play The Sims 2. Well... I wasn't really watching. I jsut kind of happened to glance over and see that she was playing The Sims 2. And sweet merciful Eru, she had made the most beautiful waterfalls on her lot. I jumped over to her and screamed, "How did you do that!" And she revealed that the answer was simple. All you need to do is place a fountain near a cliff and it automatically turns into a waterfall. I was ecstatic with glee.

Then all of a sudden I was in Chancellor Palpatine's office. I don't... quite understand... how or why my dream jumped from The Sims 2 to Star Wars so quickly, but it did, because there I was, standing next to His Imperial Majesty himself. Except in the dream he wasn't an imperial majesty, because he hadn't declared himself Emperor.

Anywho, there I was, standing next to the Chancellor. I don't remember what we were talking about, because before long Yoda stormed in. Lord Palpatine was most shocked at this intrusion. After they talked for a moment (again, no clue what was said), Yoda ran at Palpatine. The Chancellor responded by Force Lightning the little green man's ass all the way across the room. You know, exactly like it happened in the movie.

Then they started dueling each other, with me standing in a corner going .

After a few minutes of watching the best lightsaber duel, evar, Palpatine again Force Lightining attacked Yoda. In the few seconds he had, Palpatine suddenly turned to me. "It has become dangerous in here. You had best flee." I smiled at His Excellency. He was a kind, benevolent man who had the galaxy's best interests at heart. Him being a Sith Lord was entirely a coincidence.

So, I flee. At about this time he and Yoda were fighting on his podium, which was rising up into the Senate Chamber. I knew better than to attempt to follow, so I followed Palpatine's Vice Chairman upstairs and tried to watch through a conveniently placed window.

Tragically, it was tinted, and so I couldn't see anything.

Desperate to view the duel of the year, I rushed up to the Senate's bar and grill, knowing that there was a TV that was somehow linked to the Senate Chamber. I urged to customers of the restaurant to watch the Star Wars galaxy's CSPAN equivalent rather then the boring sports whatever, but they wouldn't listen. Angered, I screamed at the top of my lungs: "Palpatine and Yoda are dueling!"

Shocked, all eyes turned to the wall that separated the Senate Chamber from the restaurant. "Turn the channel!" some girl yelled. Tragically, everyone was stupid, so they couldn't find the channel that would somehow miraculously watch what was going on in the Senate Chamber even though the Senate was on recess. The restaurant manager managed to scream out that it was channel "Z-2," but unfortunately in this day and age remote controls are so insanely complex no one could figure out how to get to that channel. Angered, I left the restaurant, and attempted to find a window that would let me see what was going on.

By the way, this restaurant wasn't some five-star thing that you'd expect in the capitol building of an entire galaxy. No; rather, it looked like a restaurant that belonge din a sports stadium. In fact... the entire Senate building looked like a sports stadium, so much so that the ground of the Senate Chamber was grass, and that the Senators would sit in bleachers surrounding the Chancellor's podium.

Despite this odd seating arrangement, Palpatine still had plenty of pods to throw at Yoda.

I eventually found a decent window; there were two girls sitting there, watching with me. It was dark in the Senate Chamber; all I could see was the green blur of Yoda's lightsaber. Suddenly, Palpatine appeared on a ledge near the window. He smiled at me. Apparently I was a trusted friend of his? Which is cool. Being a trusted friend of the ruler of the galaxy is definitely a good thing...

At this point the dream kind of... fizzles out. Last thing I can recall seeing was a bunch of people sitting in the Senate Chamber's auditorium like seating, wanting to see Palpatine kick ass. Yes, everyone in my dream was a Palpatine fan.

. . .

What a stupid dream.

I have no idea why I'm copying this over.

2009-04-22T04:49:25Z

From: hot_evil_pixie_babe06
To: Falathrim
Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 4:03 pm
Subject: Hi Sexy!!!

Hey there,....I'm Pixie...do you want to chat with me...

---

From: Falathrim
To: hot_evil_pixie_babe06
Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 4:20 pm
Subject: RE: Hi Sexy!!!

No. I only talk to people who are equally as sexy as me, and you certainly do not meet this criteria.

The Hobbit is a difficult book. Read my summary instead.

2009-04-22T04:47:57Z

In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit named Bilbo Bolger-Baggins. Now, he was a very normal Hobbit; very fat and very hairy, but he had a most charming soul and there were few who could hate him. One of Bilbo's greatest fans was the wizard Gandalf the White. One day, Gandalf asked Bilbo if he could do a great favor. 'Bilbo, old chap,' said Gandalf, 'I was wondering if you could go on a quest with 29 Dwarves.'

Bilbo, being a rather decent fellow, agreed, and so he and Gandalf travelled to Riverdella, where Elrond lived, and where the 29 Dwarves were staying. Now, the instant Bilbo met the leader of the Dwarves, Thorin Mapleshield, he knew he was in for some trouble. Thorin was a rude, slobbering, trollish character, and he didn't like Bilbo much at all. In fact, he even ordered three of his most favorite Dwarves to attack Bilbo. Gandalf intervened, and turned the three Dwarves into stone.

Elrond criticized Thorin, and the Dwarf apologized - and never again did he attack Bilbo, for he had taken a liking to the adorable Halfling. Soon afterwards, Bilbo and the 26 remaining Dwarves set out. Gandalf had an errand, so he sent his cousin Morinehtar the Blue to help out. But Morinehtar didn't know the mountian roads, and so he got lost in the Olog-hai city. Things seemed doomed for them, when suddenly Deagol appeared with a Magic Ring. 'I stole this Ring from my friend!' said he, alluding to Sméagol of LotR. 'Take it, good Hobbitses, and escape!'

And thus, with the power of invisibility, Bilbo liberated the Dwarves from the Olog-hai city. But they were chased by evil demons out of Hell. Again, things seemed grim; until the Windlord, Beorn the Half-eagle, swooped out of the skies and saved Bilbo, Morinehtar, Thorin, and 21 of the Dwarves, Yes, he was a very big half-eagle, but not big enough to save five of the Dwarves.

Beorn set the Dwarves down in the middle of the great forest of Mirkwood, but not before advising them to avoid the dread kingdom of the Dark Elves. But alas! the Dark Elves were ever vigilant, and they had their trained spiders capture the Dwarves. Bilbo was able to use the Ring to escape, but he could not save Morinehtar from death.

What happened next is a tale of amazement. Legolas, prince of the Dark Elves, saw what horrid treatment the vile King Thranduil was committing, and rebelled. Bilbo, using his magic ring, aided the valiant young prince. Thranduil, having long earned the hatred of his peoples, was arrested, and cast from the Caragdûr by his brother Turgon the Wise. Thorin and the Dwarves were they released by King Legolas, and they left with the blessing of the newly-freed Dark Elves.

But alas! for before Legolas could act, Thranduil had slain six of the Dwarves in cold murder, and one of them was Dis the wife of Thorin Mapleshield. Thus, even though Legolas had nothing but love for the Dwarven people, the feud between the Elves and Dwarves was inflamed. In after days, it was only to the House of Greenleaf Greenleaf that the Dwarves swore friendship.

Yet at last, after making an irrelvant pit stop in the beautiful floating city of Nargothrond, the Dwarves come to the Lonely Mountain. But things went ill. The Necromancer, the main villain of the story, appeared before Thorin, the Arkenstone glowing in his Iron Crown. The two engaged in single combat, and Thorin managed to strike at the Necromancer seven times. But the Necromancer, being a demon of great height, towered over Thorin. Necromancer brought his left foot down upon Thorin, crushing the valiant Dwarf. In his dying breath, Thorin hewed at the foot of the Necromancer, but it availed him not. He perished, and the Dwarves and Bilbo despair. But it is said that in after days, the Necromancer walked always with a limp.

Bilbo considers using the ring to sneak up on the Necromancer, but a talking crow tells him that he would be seen, for the Necromancer has several rings of his own. Suddenly, an Eagle comes out of the sky, and bears Thorin's body to a cairn north of Mirkwood. King Legolas, thus learning of Thorin's death, rallies the Dark Elves to war.

The Battle of Five Armies it was called, and it lasted for 50 days. It did not end until the Necromancer unleashed Smaug the Abominable from the Lonely Mountain; yet this was his undoing. Bilbo, knowing the time was ripe, slew Smaug with a single black arrow. Smaug fell onto the Lonely Mountain, crushing both it and the Necromancer.

Suddenly, and at the very last moment, Gandalf appears, and congratulates Bilbo and the two surviving Dwarves, Gloin and Clotch. 'You have suffered many perils,' said the White Wizard, 'but now the gold of the Necromancer is yours to keep!'

And they all lived happily ever after.

Where In the World Is Artanis Nerwen?

2009-04-22T04:43:15Z

This one's less funny and more informative.

Galadriel is supposed to be tied for second greatest of all Elves, but despite that she doesn't ever seem to DO much. She's missing for the entirety of the War of the Jewels, shows up long enough in the Second Age to accept Nenya, and then all but vanishes again until the War of the Ring.

For that reason, I combed Unfinished Tales and whatever History of Middle-earth references I could find do get a definitive history for Artanis Nerwen from the time of the Exile to her return to Valinor. The subject itself was heavilly derived from UT's Concerning Galadriel and Celeborn and of Amroth King of Lórien, so I used that title here. Also please note that I am currently re-evaluaing the history of the Elessar, and what is written here may have errors in it.

One final note -- like many of my outlines, I wrote as I read, and it was composed for my own sake. Therefore, it may read a bit oddly in places.

~*~*~

The History of Galadriel of Celeborn and of Amroth King of Lórien

PREFACE: I shall take notes of everything. After which I shall make a Grand Master Canon Outline, taking all that is most recent concerning these three, and doing my best to reconcile it into the most canon history. Of course, it is not canon in the sense of the fandom, for it will completely be opposed to that which is published in the Silmarillion. Thus, it poses no worth in actual historic discussion, but I do it anyway because I’m a sucker for canon-izing the good Professor’s final ideals, even if I personally despise them. Hmmm…

Lord of the Rings drafts

Galadriel passes over the Blue Mountains prior to the Ruin of Beleriand.
In Lórien, she meets Celeborn, a Nando. They are wed.
Thus, ever since, Galadriel has been the Lady of Lórien.

1967 letter: Galadriel is banned because she acted in the Kinslaying

Appendix B, The Road Goes Ever On (1968)

Celeborn is a Sinda.
His wife is Galadriel. They dwelt for a time in Lindon, but eventually went into Eregion

Concerning Galadriel and Celeborn – post LotR

Celeborn is the grandson of Elmo.
Galadriel meets him in Doriath.
The two were present at the Ruin of Doriath. They aid Elwing in her escape to the havens
Following the War of Wrath they dwell for a time in Lindon.
They then pass over the Blue Mountains. They dwell near Nenuial, with Ñoldor, Sindar, and Nandor in their company.
They are Lord and Lady of the Eldar of Eriador.
350-400 Birth of Amroth their son
500 Galadriel detects Sauron
700 She thus establishes Eregion, primarily Ñoldorin.
Celeborn is racist, but Galadriel knows that the evil of Morgoth won’t fall without unity
750 Ost-in-Edhil is built, chief city of Eregion
1000 Sauron chooses Mordor as his realm, because it was near to the Númenórean havens of the South
1200 Sauron, at last feeling secure against the Númenóreans, comes to Eregion in the form of Annatar
Galadriel had come to the Nandorin realm of Lindórinand.
Thus, she was successful in shutting Sauron out of Lindórinand. Gil-galad rejected Sauron in Lindon. But Celebrimbor welcomed Sauron.
1350-1400 Celebrimbor and his brotherhood, the Gwaith-i-Mírdain, seize power from Galadriel. She and her two children pass through the Dwarf-realm to Lindórinand.
1500 Sauron creates the One. Celebrimbor rejects Sauron. He seeks counsel with Galadriel; Nenya she is given. Vilya and Narya are sent to Gil-galad.
1695 Sauron attacks Eregion. Elrond is sent to defend, but Eregion is far away.
Celeborn leads a sortie against Sauron; and though he is able to join Elrond’s host, Sauron’s is still the greater. Sauron seizes the Seven and the Nine. Celebrimbor is killed.
Sauron turns to battle. Elrond would not have escaped if not for the Dwarf host, and the Elves of Lindórinand.
1697 Founding of Imladris. Sauron turns back to the Dwarves. The West-gate is shut, and Moria has Sauron’s hate.
Sauron marches towards Lindon, leaving a small detachment to contain Elrond.
Suddenly, the Númenóreans save the day! YAY!
Slaughter at Sarn Ford!
Sauron himself hardly escapes the Battle of Gwathló.
Uh oh! Another Númenórean attack east of Calenardhon!
Total Sauron-army survivors: Sauron and one bodyguard.
Amroth is made King of Lórien. Galadriel and Celebrían come to Imladris, where they are united with Celeborn.
The First White Council. Imladris is to be maintained. Vilya is bestowed upon Elrond.
C. 1800 The Númenóreans begin establishing permanent settlements.
Galadriel, Celeborn, Celebrían come to Belfalas with Nandorin Elves.
In 1981 of the Third Age Amroth is lost. Galadriel returns to Lindórinand.

Shibboleth of Fëanor – 1968

Finarfin learns the tongue of the Teleri
Weds Eärwen daughter of King Olwë
Has four children; Finrod, Galadriel are two
Galadriel: Greatest of the Ñoldor sans Fëanor
Her hair seemed to have ensnared the light of the Two Trees within them.
Fëanor asks for a tress thrice; each time she refuses. But Fëanor conceives the Silmarilli.
Kinslaying: Galadriel, though determined to follow Fëanor, aids the Teleri rather than the Ñoldor.
Galadriel comes to Middle-earth
Following the War of Wrath, Galadriel rejects the Pardon.
Following the War of the Ring, Galadriel passes the last test, and returns to Aman

Amroth and Nimrodel – 1969

Haven of Belfalas founded by Sindarin Elves at the beginning of the Second Age
After Wars of Eriador, Celeborn goes to Lindórinand with Ñoldor, Galadriel and Daughter to Lindon.
Celeborn goes to Lindon after Sauron looks East, leaving Lórien to Amdír.
Amdír, a Sinda, was King until his death at the Dagorlad (3434)
Amroth loves Nimrodel yay.
Galadriel and Celeborn travel Middle-earth, coming first to Amroth
They talk of Dol Guldar
Galadriel and Celeborn travel Rhovanion
They come to Imladris
In 1981, Amroth and Nimrodel agree to be wed in Aman
Amroth and Nimrodel are separated. Amroth comes to Belfalas (where Galadriel was?)
Nimrodel sleeps on the Gilrain.
STORMS A BREWIN’! Amroth is drowned.
Nimrodel comes to Belfalas
1980 Galadriel and Celeborn come to Lórien and Lord and Lady
Imrazor marries Nimrodel’s companion, Mithrellas

The Last Writing

So far as joining Fëanor, she was in every way unlike him.
Galadriel has sought to part from Aman, for she had already received full tutelage. Manwë had not forbidden her.
Pondering her course of action, she goes to Alqualondë, and meets Teleporno grandson of Olwë.
They build a ship so that they may pass into Middle-earth.
Melkor reappears and destroys the Two Trees. In the mess of Fëanor’s rebellion, Galadriel realizes that Manwë would no longer grant leave.
Galadriel plays no part in Fëanor’s revolt. She instead fights heroically against the Ñoldor.
Galadriel and Celeborn grab their ship and flee Aman.
They arrive at Cirdan’s haven shortly before Fëanor, and are welcome.
Galadriel realizes that the War of the Jewels is fruitless under the Valarin Ban.
The two pass over the Blue Mountains before the end of the War of the Jewels.
Galadriel refuses the Pardon.

Elessar

In Gondolin, Enerdhil makes the Elessar for Idril
Idril gives Elessar to Eärendil
Eärendil bares the Elessar West
Possibility One:
Yavanna has the Elessar sent East
Olórin and Galadriel chat in Lorien
Olórin gives Elessar to Galadriel
Possibility Two:
Celebrimbor and Galadriel chat
Celebrimbor makes new Elessar
Galadriel receives Elessar
Tolkien later says that Celebrimbor made both Elessars, but this is impossible because he was later made a Feanorian.
Thus, I choose Possibility Two. Maybe Celebrimbor learned from Enerdhil at some point following the Fall. I dunno.

CANON W00T

~~~~~

First Age:

Galadriel is the daughter of Finarfin and Eärwen. She was a quick student; it didn’t take long for her to learn all that could be learned in Aman. She sought to return to Middle-earth, so that her tutelage could be increased. Manwë had neither forbidden her nor allowed it. She went to Alqualondë, and there met Teleporno of the Teleri. Together, they built a ship that would return them to Middle-earth. However, Melkor destroyed the Two Trees before they could set sail. Following the Ñoldorin uprising, Galadriel fought valiantly against her kindred in defense of the Teleri. Nonetheless, she wanted to return to Middle-earth. Knowing that given the actions of the Ñoldor Manwë would forbid such an action, she leapt into her ship and sailed east with Teleporno; and with them came tree Teleri. Thus, she fell under the Doom of the Ñoldor, guiltless though she may be.

She arrived at one of Círdan’s havens (which if the wording of the Silmarillion doesn’t deceive me is Eglarest), and was welcomed due to her kinship with Thingol. This happens shortly after the First Battle, but before Fëanor arrives and the Dagor-nuin-Giliath is fought. But even after the Siege is established, Galadriel refuses to have anything to do with the War of the Jewels, for she realizes (much as Fëanor had) that it is a useless endeavour. Rather, she dwells in Menegroth for a time, and learns from Melian the Wise. Sometime after the delving of Nargothrond, however, she and Celeborn head East, and cross over the Blue Mountains. It can be said that she dwells with the Nandor, in the areas about Nenuial.

When Morgoth was thrown down, Galadriel refused the pardon of the Valar, and so thus was a permanent ban placed upon her.

~~~~~

Second Age:

After the War of Wrath, many Ñoldorin and Sindarin Elves came to Nenuial; thus Galadriel and Celeborn were said to be the Lord and Lady of Eriador. However, soon Galadriel and Celeborn realize that an evil agent was controlling malicious events in Middle-earth, and he was abiding in the East. Thus, circa 700 Second Age, the two establish the primarily Ñoldorin realm of Eregion. With them is Celebrimbor son of Curufin. Ost-in-Edhil, the chief city of Eregion, was built at around 750. Sometime between then and the year II.1200, Galadriel would commence traffic between Eregion and the the Nandorin realm of Lindórinand. Recently, a Sinda named Amdír came into power in Lindórinand. At some point, Galadriel’s presence would be enough to rename the realm Lorinánd. Perhaps at about this time Galadriel realizes that mellyrn will grow in this realm.

Before Sauron’s coming, Celebrimbor made an Elessar for Galadriel.

In the year 1200, Sauron (in the guise of Annatar) befriended the craftspeople of Eregion, against the counsel of Galadriel. Between the years of 1350 and 1400, Celebrimbor and the Gwaith-i-Mírdain seized power from Galadriel and Celeborn. Celeborn was permitted to remain in Eregion, but Galadriel and Celebrían (born sometime after 400) retreated east, to Lorinánd. There they remained until the forging of the Rings of Power, in year 1500. When Celebrimbor realized that he was deceived, he immediately traveled east to Lorinánd. There, Galadriel and he had counsel. Nenya was given to Galadriel, and Vilya and Narya were sent to High King Gil-galad in Lindon.

Nearly two hundred years later, Sauron attacked Eregion. Celeborn attempted to lead a sortie against Sauron’s army, but it seemingly failed to accomplish much. Elrond was sent to defend Eregion, and Celeborn joined his company. But they were separated from Ost-i-Edhil. Sauron kills Celebrimbor, and seizes the Nine and six of the Seven. Elrond seems to have fled into the North, and hide in what would come to be known as Imladris. Surely Sauron’s armies would have slain them if not for the Dwarf-host coming out of Khazad-dûm. Sauron retaliates against the Dwarves, and so they flee back into Moria, and seal shut the West-gate. This allowed Elrond enough time to secure a safe haven. Celeborn, seemingly, went with the Dwarves into Lorinánd, along with many other Ñoldorin exiles from Eregion. Here, he was likely joined with Galadriel for some time.

Sauron besieges Imladris, but also begins to attack Lindon. Eriador is completely overrun, and victory was imminent, when suddenly in year 1701 the Númenóreans show up. Their victory is complete. Of Sauron’s gigantic army, there are only two survivors: Sauron himself (though hardly) and one bodyguard. It is about now that the Númenóreans begin permanent settlements of Middle-earth.

About now, things get iffy. After the wars are ended, Celeborn begins building up Lorinánd as a defense against Mordor. But Galadriel and Celebrían leave Lorinánd and come to Imladris, so that Galadriel can attend the first meeting of the White Council. Here, Elrond and Celebrían first meet. At the White Council, it is decided that Imladris would be maintained as the Elven-realm of the East, rather than Eregion. Also, Vilya is given to Elrond. Following the White Council, Galadriel and Celebrían dwell in Lindon, the realm of Gil-galad. When it becomes apparent that Sauron is looking East, Celeborn too comes to Lindon.

Twice during the next 1600 years, Galadriel and Celeborn would return to Lorinánd, and dwelt for a while with the King Amdír. It’s possible, though not explicitly said in the later stories and outlines, that they MAY have dwelt for a short while in Belfalas. However, this is derived from an earlier, rejected plot, and so it just as possible that they stuck to Lindon and Lorinánd. Nonetheless, the three dwelling in Belfalas for awhile gives them something special to do, thus I’ll add that into this brief summary. However, they would have spent most of the remaining years of the Second Age with Ereinion Gil-galad.

Galadriel and Celeborn are never said to have played any role in the Last Alliance. Nonetheless, we must assume that the two would have played some role; Galadriel for her counsel, and likely Celeborn would be a member of the Alliance. As for Amdír, King of Lorinánd; he joined the Last Alliance, but died on the Dagorlad. Afterward, his son Amroth would act as King of Lorinánd.

~~~~~

Third Age:

During the Third Age, Galadriel and Celeborn were not content with the peace that had come. At an unspecified point, they return to Lorinánd, and held discourse with Amroth, the King. Amroth, however, seems content, and after dwelling with him for a great length of time Galadriel and Celeborn begin to travel Rhovanion. From Gondor and Mordor (which is now held by the Kings of Gondor) to Thranduil in the North they enquire into the current state of things. Finally, they come to Imladris, and dwelt there for a time. And perhaps they’d dwell at Belfalas sometimes; after all, it is said that from time to time Amroth would visit Galadriel and Celeborn, though I admit that this was written in the same piece that claimed he was their son, which was clearly rejected. I suppose even in my ‘canon’ outline, I pick what I like and reject what I don’t.

It was not until after Durin’s Bane was unleashed in 1890, and that most of the Elves of Lorinánd had fled to the havens in the south, and Amroth their King was lost, that Galadriel and Celeborn returned and took up the title of Lord and Lady. At some point during this time, Galadriel and Olórin have a lengthy discussion of the fading of Middle-earth. Legend suggest that at this point Olórin bestows the Elessar upon Galadriel, but evidence suggests otherwise.

Celeborn and Galadriel remained Lord and Lady of Lórien until the end of the Third Age, when finally the Ban on Galadriel’s return was lifted, and she passed into the West. Celeborn then returned to Imladris, and dwelt with the twin sons of Elrond, before he too finally returned to Galadriel. Probably. Is it ever stated that he did take ship? I dunno… Oh well. Yeah, that’s the History of Galadriel and Celeborn for you.

Galadriel hates her uncle so much she'll make it a point to TALK differently

2009-04-22T04:22:23Z

A beautiful gem, courtesy of isasolan :

~*~*~*

FINARFIN: Tho, Angrod, how wath your day?
ANGROD: Thplendid, father, I went thailing today.
FINARFIN: How about you, Artanith?
GALADRIEL: I was swimming all day by the seashore, father
EVERYONE:

If you didn't laugh, you're a Communist.

~*~*~*

Fëanor's mother was known as Míriel Þerinde - that strange symbol being the letter "thorn," roughly pronounced "th." After Míriel died, many amongst the Ñoldor began to shift their speech away from "þ" towards "s." Fëanor, being the massive, egocentric prick that he was, saw this as an insult to his family, as Míriel herself had preferred "þ." He declared that anyone who used "s" was personally slighting his family, and got his sons to go along with it. Naturally. This rightly pissed a lot of people off -- including the linguists who would have otherwise agreed with him. So, in a terrible fit of irony, Fëanor pretty much killed off "þ" in Ñoldorin Quenya.

Finarfin, for the most part, didn't give a flying fuck about the debate, but he and his family did stick with "þ" just because he personally liked it better. So, imagine his surprise when his youngest child started using "s," and when asked why, all she could come up with was "I detest that man."

I love Galadriel so much.

Ai Telperion! Ai Laurelin! Your light divine, your fall unbearable.

2009-04-22T04:11:19Z

The Aldudénië was written in Valinor, and concerns itself with the fall of the Two Trees that brought light to paradise. It is said to have been one of the most beautiful works ever written by any Elf. Sadly, as it is a Valinorean work, it has never been heard by any Mortal. I suggest that it may have gone something like this:

~*~*~*

Aldudenie ~ The Lament for the Two Trees

MANWË: My, this certainly is a joyous festival.
VARDA: Indeed. I'm a bitch.
ULMO: Yep.
INGWË: Hey, look, a huge shadow that no eyes can pierce. Why, that sure is odd.
FINGOLFIN: Yeah, that is strange.
FËANOR: I'm going to say something witty and assy at the same time.
VARDA: Assy? For a great linguist, you sure are illiterate.
FËANOR: Bitch.
MANDOS: Shut up.
TURGON: Ummm... what about that Shadow?
MANDOS: It's Doom Incarnate.
MANWË: Namo, you aren't supposed to talk without me telling you to.
MANDOS: But...
MANWË: Námo, I'm saddened. You should know better!
MANDOS: . . .
MANWË: Finally...
LÓRIEN: Well, let the festival commence!
GALADRIEL: Wait, what about the Shadow?
AULË: What Shadow?
GALADRIEL: The one that Námo said was Doom Incarnate.
AULË: I dunno what you're talking about.
FINARFIN: It's right there!
FINGOLFIN: It's on the Ezellohar!
YAVANNA: Hey, I know where that is!
VARDA: I should hope so.
TULKAS: It's probably just a rain cloud.
TURGON: Rain clouds don't resemble Doom Incarnate, though.
MANDOS: . . .
MANWË: Everyone shut up! This is a joyous occasion!
INGWË: Well, there went Laurelin.
THRONDOR: You know, maybe someone should do something.
ULMO: Like what?
VARDA: I dunno.
MANWË: Let's just calm down and have some fun...
FINROD: Okay, there went Telperion.
EVERYONE: . . .
VAIRË: It's so dark! Just like home!
MANDOS: . . .
FËANOR: You guys are so stupid.
VARDA: Yeah, well, you're an ass.
FËANOR: Maybe so, but at least I'm not an idiot.
OROMË: So. No light anymore.
TULKAS: Should we do something about this?
VARDA: No, no. We have to ask Manwë before we do anything, remember?
ULMO: Yeah. If we don't have permission, we're rebelling!
FËANOR: Ugh.
MANDOS: And so it is come to pass that the Light of Aman has passed Forever from the Circles of the World, and from this shall come untold pain and suffering. Shall this great Marring ever be amended? I fear that none can say, for the End of Arda is foretold by none save Eru, and my Dooms do not declare it.
MANWË: NÁMO!
MANDOS: Sorry!